Crystal,
Nothing you said about the whole Aimee blog has me upset. That is also not the reason I haven't been on here. To be honest, I am just too damn busy. Not to mention, that I am completely depressed, angry, anxious and ready to give up on everything. I don't want anything anymore.
I know that you said that you wanted to focus on being positive, but I just have to vent.
First, I am a concerned that you are willing to sign a deal for a condo with a partner that is not healthy for you, but yet you won't give Aimees blog a try. I just wonder how you are going to make it work after you sign on the condo, and all hell breaks loose again. I'm not saying that doing any of the things that Aimee is saying will work, or anything at all will work. I understand what you're saying, and yes to a point it is putting the "victim" in a more delicate situation. I know this. But it bothers me that you will sign your life for 20 or 30 years with someone that isn't good for you. You, my dear, are putting yourself in a predicament that scares the hell out of me. Please don't take this as me being rude, or trying to make you change your mind or anything. I am just being honest. I really hope that things are going really well for you right now, and continue to. I hope that all the kids are healthy and doing well.
Secondly, I won't know anything on Jadon until after Friday. That is provided that the Dr. even sends him for tests that we will get the results right away. So, once I know what is going on with him, you will be the first to know. I will send you a short text letting you know the basics of everything.
Third, I am really fed up with a lot of stuff lately. I hate going to work, I hate the fact that we don't talk, I hate the fact that I hate being alive. I hate that I have to fight everyday for such simple things. I hate not knowing what is going to happen with Jadon or Caleb. I hate that my kids back talk me so much and all I seem to do is yell, to the point where I feel like I am going to have a stroke. I hate the fact that Jeff and I have no time together for anything. I hate the fact that I have no motivation to tackle school right now. At this point in time I don't care if I ever finish, I don't have the strength or the brain power to do it. Ihate the fact that Codey cannot seem to do any type of work on his own to be able to pass. I hate the fact that the school can sit down and make goals put no implementation of how to reach those goals. I hate the fact that I am always so God damned tired. I that I am so fat, and can't get any type of motivation to go to the gym, or even eat a decent meal. I hate the fact that I am so fucking broke right now that I don't even have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.
And the list can go on and on. Crys, I am just really frustrated right now, and if I had the guts, I would just throw in the towel and say fuck it all. I am really very tired of things right now. (Like you couldn't tell from the VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY ANGRY post.)
Crys, I am just forewarning you that I am not going to be a good friend right now. And, if you never want to talk to me again, I will understand. I do miss you, very very much. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. Hell everything I am saying right now I would screaming and crying in your kitchen about.
I am sorry about this posting. I really am... and no I don't feel any better, but I think you get the picture of how fucked I am and things are right now.
I love you, to the ends of this Earth.
Jenn
