Hey

Hey you,

I am glad to hear that you are still working so hard. You will see in no time the payoff for you being such a hard and diligent worker. Keep up the good work.

I miss talking to ya.

Love ya lots,
Jenn

this week

SO I continue to work out everyday and I know that I am not eating the best so the fact that I lost a pound and two onces this week is okay. I figure if I work out I am getting healthy anyway with or without big numbers on the scale. Which by the way my scale is out of batteries and now the batteries are not normal so it is a pain when this happens. This will be a good experiment to see what it is like to not weigh myself everyday. It drives me nuts to be honest! Well anyway weight watchers has me at 160.6. I hate that I am still in the 160s but maybe this week I will finally be under to stay. Ah we shall see. Love you and miss you.

Hey....

Hey girlie, I am beat but I wanted to get on here really fast. I know that you are having a hard time with the running and not losing weight, but remember that you are also going to be putting on muscle and toning up, so although you may not see the weight come off, the fat will turn to muscle and your body structure will change and the pant size will go down. Don't give up. You ar doing a fantastic job!

Love ya,

Jenn

fat ass

working hard for nothing. So for the last three days I have run and walked like mad. I have gone a total of 9.5 miles in the last three days and you know what nothing....nothing nothing nothing. I havent lost a pound well 8 onces but what good is that. I dont understand why when I am working so hard and nothing is really showing up. and to top it off I try but every day I still eat too much. I dont know what happened to me but I think I am going to be 160 plus pounds for the rest of my life.

Epiphany?

Hey you,

How are you doing? I hope that you are doing well, I haven't heard from you in a couple of days, but I know that you are a highly demanded woman! I am doing MUCH better in the last couple of days, let's hope it continues!

Okay, so I had an annual check up with my doc yesterday and after getting good news I figured out the following: I am healthy as a horse, so the reason I am fat is because I don't move enough and I eat all the wrong things. My thyroid, and all my blood work came back good (other than me being slightly anemic). So, the epiphany I had was that I just have to get out and move more and make better choices as to what I choose to eat. I have to be in control of it.

I know that I am going to try and start buying gluten free foods because when I eat foods that have gluten, my belly blows up like a balloon.

Today was my first day where I was able to keep my poor Caleb home with me all day. But it's like I told Jeff, I would have done him no good and it wouldn't have been fair to him if I can't get him a drink or feed him his meals. I was sleeping all the time. So, it was better for him to go to the sitter where he has interaction, education, and a person who can take care of him the way he deserves. But today has been a lot of fun! I even took him to the park for about 20 minutes.

Today I was very productive, by 9:30 am my time, I had completely cleaned my living room and my room, vacuumed, and had already done 4 loads of laundry. I am still doing laundry, but at least I got my bed sheets cleaned first thing this morning. I am soooooo tired right now though.

My mouth is doing much better today. I have been able to eat 3 solid meals since yesterday and am down to taking only Advil for the pain. The dentist said that he didn't see anything out of the ordinary and that he just wants to be sure that I am getting progressively better.

Ok I am having a heart attack Jadon says that he has a really bad headache and can't remember what they did today at school so say a prayer.

Love ya,
Jenn

Dont say anything that you wouldnt say about your best friend....

okay girl sorry that it took me soooo long to get back on here and write to you but here I am finally. I have to say thank you for the words of encouragement and I am glad that you think that I look okay. Sometimes I think that too but other times I might as well think the worse thing in the world about me....anyway I read this thing in the weight watchers plan and it said "dont even think something about yourself if you would not say it about your best friend. I really liked that because there are so many things that I would say about me but never say them about you and there are the opposite as well things that I would say to you like how great you are and how pretty that I would never say to myself. I guess what it comes down to is finding a way to be more of a best friend to yourself... and supporting yourself rather than talking down to yourself. It is so easy to say and not so hard to do.....but lets try to do this a little more.... We shall see...

I think that your body thinks that you are straving it and there for is trying despretly not to let go of its reserves because girl 500 calories a day is nada. I sure hope that you can manage to eat a little something more soon. Maybe some soup packed with REALLY well done veggies.... and maybe even some VERY VERY mushy chicken?? Someideas. I knnow it sucks but again at least it is done.

Thanks for the picture of the baby it is really cute! I took an Xanxax last night and passed out. I dont take them often but they help me sleep so when I am really tired I will take one but I think I fell asleep before gab and slept all the way through until 5 am and then again until 7:30 so as you can imagine I must have needed that sleep. I am still getting over some kind of bug to so I think that was part of it too. But I did not mean to pass out on you there so I am sorry for that!

I am really sorry that you have been down. I wish that I could make it better but I really feel like the stupid ass lexapro is partly to blame I was really bad on it. I cried all the time and gained all that weight. I am still mad alot now but I would rather be mad then sad....I get lonely but just get mad and hateful about it rather then lay here and cry like I do on medication. I think I might get a few bottles of wine and have that on the nights that I get mad.... sometimes that is when I take the xanax. I dont take a lot but when this whole thing with donna was going on I did alm ost daily but only the .25 so it is not all that bad but then since then I just filled the bottle that was due to be filled on March 15th so I had enough from feb 15th to now...or last night so I havent needed it too much. My reason for not seeking out any medication is because I dont want to gain weight and I know that I will. I think maybe even the xanax helped with this seven pounds that I gained back but I dont really know and I think that I ate enough food that I am surprised that it is not WAYYYYY more. Oh well.

Okay girlie. I think you are beautiful and a great friend. Try to take it easy and at least know that you are loved! I love you.

Maybe?......

Hey girlie, I am so glad to hear that you went back to Weight Watchers! That was a great step for you to take. I really hope that you are back on the Wagon. It has been a hard couple of months for you and you deserve to feel better about yourself. You look fine and would be able to go buy clothes for yourself, heck you deserve it. I don't think you look bad at all. Me on the other hand, look like a roll of blubber that is going to be used in tires or something, so I definitely have to do something. Maybe?......

I was hoping to get back on the wagon after all this stupid stuff with my mouth is done. I am so frustrated right now as you can imagine. I want some solid food and just can't do it yet. But then again, I like the fact that I am only consuming like 500-600 calories a day if that. However, I am not losing any weight, so that makes me very sad. :-( I just don't take the time or the energy to go to weight watchers and track everything. I don't have the energy to get up and move and that is the most important thing I need to do. I also don't have the time. I hate working 12 hour shifts, it really dampens what I am able to do, but if all runs right, we will be going back to 10 hour shifts, which still makes it difficult for me.

Okay girlie, I am not going to drone on like I ususally do, but just know that I am having a hard time right now, and I can't figure out why or how to fix it. Hope you get back on the wagon and are able to make progress. If you want motivation, I have a co-worker who used to weigh 220 lbs and like 5'8" and now she is down to like 175 and can run 5 miles a day. How long did it take her to accomplish this? LESS THAN 6 MONTHS! So, if she can do it, you can too.

Love ya,
Jenn

back on the wagon?

So I had a cancelation today and I had an hour to kill. What do I do? I wondered...I thought about going to the store and buying some summer clothing. I have a gift card that I got from our phone/cable company that I am planning to use towards clothing and considering that I have gained back weight I really do need clothes because less things fit me....

But instead I went to weight watchers! Yippee so we will see. I am offically up seven pounds according to weight watchers from Feb.... SO I know what I need to do.

Lets see how it goes.

C