Scared

Hey Crys,

How's it going lady? Good I hope. I called you on Sunday to wish you a happy mothers day and tell Gabbie happy birthday, I just hope you got the message. Caleb had a really good day today, nothing special but he spent the day with me (although I was busy on the stupid computer) and we did have a small cake for his birthday. We do not have any money for gifts, so we will be getting those later for him. The good thing is that he didn't even expect it. I keep sitting here remembering 3 years ago at this time I hadn't even gotten to meet him yet and when I did I couldn't hold him because he was under the oxygen tent. I remember how his chest and ribs would contract when he would breath. So sad. But, today he is happy and healthy and one heck of a devil from time to time!

Tonight he was sitting at the computer with the boys and I am trying a new reading enhancement program out and he was sitting there and listening to all the letters, looking at the pictures, and was even able to identify a couple of the letters and was always right when he had to match the picture to the word! The other night he completely surprised me because he was playing with Codey's LOOPZ game and was able to follow the patterned rhythm up to about 5 long. I couldn't believe it. I just let him keep playing because I am sure that it is helping him somewhere in the active brain of his.

So, I am super scared about the classes that I am taking this semester. Much of the stuff that is in the book I have no idea what they are talking about and yet I have heard you talk about it like 2nd nature. I know I haven't been immersed in the field, but goodness, I don't know if I can do this.

Okay, there is so much more, but nothing I want to bother you with. I don't see my therapist for 2 weeks, on the 20th, so I have quite a bit of time that I have to try and get through. He said if it gets bad I can always go in if he has an opening. I'm having a hard time understanding how exactly he is going to help me because he doesn't do inpsych therapy. He said he doesn't because the past doesnt really matter if it gets dealt with or not, in other words he doesn't want to rehash it, rather he wants to give me the tools necessary to deal with the emotions and feelings that I have. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. What do you think?

Have a good night, hope school is going well and that everything is good with the kids.

Love ya lots,
Jenn

Really Fast

Hey,

Really fast I just wanted to let you know that I do not have my cell phone right now because AT&T pissed me off and I cancelled my account. So, I will call you from my home number on Saturday so you have it.

Love ya lots,
Jenn

So sad

Hey Crys,

Thanks for the kind words. It is still something that Jeff and I cry about. It is horrible. I have never had to make that decision and it was a horrible decision. We had him cremated but we had the crematory spread his ashes up in the beautiful mountains of Ruidoso.

This pic is from the Inn of the Mountain Gods and Casino, but this is pretty much what Ruidoso looks like all over the place. We just thought that maybe spreading his ashes would allow him to run free like he always loved to do. We do miss him so bad. When we walk in the door we always look for him and when we feed the dogs we miss picking up his dish and bringing him in. Jeff and I are already looking for another Dane.

Moving on, I am happy that you have kept your weight under control. You are doing such a great job. So it's going a little bit slower than last time, that's ok, the only thing you need to worry about is getting to the weight you want to be at. I really hope that you have a great summer with the kids. Jeff and I are really looking forward to doing some stuff with the kids. The only difference here is that it gets so God blessed hot! We have to be able to do stuff inside. I am really going to work on going to Albuquerque to the Aquarium. I think that would be freaking awesome. You walk under a tunnel while all the sea life swim around you.

So, I have 6 days left in my current semester and am not done with my final paper. I must buckle down and just do it. It's not going to complete itself. I am just having a hard time finding the motivation to finish it. It has to be no less than 3500 words, and I already have 2554, but somehow I just don't know if I can finish it. I know to you that is a walk in the park.

Well lady, I hope that we get to talk soon. I have another counseling appointment on Thursday, so I will update you on what happens, that is if you want to know.

Love you lots,

Jenn