I told you enough times that you finally CAME!!! I am so excited~!
Needless to say I will not be having a ton of time to waste on the computer since you are with me anyway! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!
See you tommorrow~!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Dont know how you do it....
this is one of the funniest posts you have written. Very cute and sacastic and times. I am sorry that you are feeling the burn at work. I do not know how you do it. I tell you all the time but I will tell you again you are able to go and go and go when other including myself would have fallen down already and just went to sleep right where we landed. But like you said when you go and go and go like this you crash and get sick. SO I want nothing more than for you to get your self a pt job with less stress. Right near home. It is just what I think will be better for you. To hell with the job you have now. I know it is a good one and you are good at it but like you said you cannot be spread so thin. And you cannot give up your family and you cannot give up your school so the only answer is finding work that you are good at and that is good for you while you are in school. THere is plently of time left in your life to work crazy hours if you choose to!
When I was talking to John and it was like normal human beings very weird....Any way when I was talking to him he also questioned why you were staying in Merdian. He said I should have talked to you about it more and he is right.. I should have looked it up and made sure that you were going somewhere that was close and safe. You can stay at my house when ever you want and even if John is here it will not be weird at all. I will camp out with you in the living room and he can sleep upstairs. I want you to do it on Thursday for sure but I also want to tell you that I can make it work to have you here other nights or every night. It would be fine! My house is small but we can work it out! Also, is there anyway that we can change the hotel? Or is it a all in one thing? That is what I told John it was but if it is not then maybe we should think about changing it. There are hotels right down the street from me....and if you can change it let's talk. I just hate that you are thinking that you will be unsafe. I guess if we have to just have a week of sleep overs then that is what we will do. hell if you want to cancel the hotel all together and just stay with me go ahead and do it. I will tell John that the hotel was to scary and there was no way that I could make you stay there Blah blah blah....Believe me he will be happy to sleep upstairs for a week!
Okay....I am sorry that your little guy Codey is struggling. I think that you should ask for a PPT becuase they really need to help him more. It is not okay to just be like he is in his own world. I cant get him to work. GUESS WHAT they HAVE TO! IT IS THE LAW! They have to Give him FAAE Free and apporiate education by LAW!!!
I know that you have alot of p[acking and stuff to do before you come. Just take one thing at a time! THat is all I can think of to tell you becuase I would never be able to do all that you do. Never.
I think that you are probally eating crappy because you are stressed. That is how it works! We are going to have to hold each other to a diet because I dont want us to get all out of control and make each other fat! We should take walks each and every day together! it will be a help for sure!
Okay Jenn, I am gonna text you to tell you that you posted I know that you said more and I am sorry that I did not get to everything but I am beat. I wanted to tell you that I feel bad that you are having a hard time with school and I am sorry that I will be making this worse. I will help you here and I will let you work on your school work . Just having you in my house working on your school work is good enough for me!!!
I will text you now!
Love ya@
Crystal
When I was talking to John and it was like normal human beings very weird....Any way when I was talking to him he also questioned why you were staying in Merdian. He said I should have talked to you about it more and he is right.. I should have looked it up and made sure that you were going somewhere that was close and safe. You can stay at my house when ever you want and even if John is here it will not be weird at all. I will camp out with you in the living room and he can sleep upstairs. I want you to do it on Thursday for sure but I also want to tell you that I can make it work to have you here other nights or every night. It would be fine! My house is small but we can work it out! Also, is there anyway that we can change the hotel? Or is it a all in one thing? That is what I told John it was but if it is not then maybe we should think about changing it. There are hotels right down the street from me....and if you can change it let's talk. I just hate that you are thinking that you will be unsafe. I guess if we have to just have a week of sleep overs then that is what we will do. hell if you want to cancel the hotel all together and just stay with me go ahead and do it. I will tell John that the hotel was to scary and there was no way that I could make you stay there Blah blah blah....Believe me he will be happy to sleep upstairs for a week!
Okay....I am sorry that your little guy Codey is struggling. I think that you should ask for a PPT becuase they really need to help him more. It is not okay to just be like he is in his own world. I cant get him to work. GUESS WHAT they HAVE TO! IT IS THE LAW! They have to Give him FAAE Free and apporiate education by LAW!!!
I know that you have alot of p[acking and stuff to do before you come. Just take one thing at a time! THat is all I can think of to tell you becuase I would never be able to do all that you do. Never.
I think that you are probally eating crappy because you are stressed. That is how it works! We are going to have to hold each other to a diet because I dont want us to get all out of control and make each other fat! We should take walks each and every day together! it will be a help for sure!
Okay Jenn, I am gonna text you to tell you that you posted I know that you said more and I am sorry that I did not get to everything but I am beat. I wanted to tell you that I feel bad that you are having a hard time with school and I am sorry that I will be making this worse. I will help you here and I will let you work on your school work . Just having you in my house working on your school work is good enough for me!!!
I will text you now!
Love ya@
Crystal
Frustration
Okay, so I have to get some stuff off of my mind.
First, I have eaten like crap for the last 3 days, and of course the numbers on the scale show it. I just can't find the motivation right now to say no to crappy stuff. Like today I had 2 low fat multi-grain waffles for breakfast. Then I had a 'lunch' of a banana and a string cheese. Well for dinner I had to go off and BLOW IT! I had a spicy italian sandwich with italian wedding soup. I really tried to stop eating and I couldn't. I have eaten more burgers in the past week than I have in 6 months. I am so aggrevated with myself.
Then, because of my OCD's, I was doing more research on my hotel room and I found a review from a person who said that he felt really unsafe with that hotel because the police were always there, that what seemed like homeless people and drug addicts stayed in that hotel, and that drug deals would go down in the parking lot. I am soooo scared right now. I am a female by herself going in and out of that hotel room. Ohhh boy...what did I get myself into? Well my mom always told me you get what you pay for and I wanted to save $300 so, it is my fault.
I am so tired right now. My eyes are burning. I really need some time where I just sleep, as long as I want to. My body needs to recover from some of this stress. If not it is going to shut down. Usually when I get like this I tend to get really sick around February, to the point of hospitalization at times. So, none-the-less I have to try and recoop.
Right now I am trying to figure out when I am going to get everything done. I have to pack for Wednesday and Thursday for my trip to El Paso with Caleb. On top of it I have to still pack to come see you. I return from El Paso sometime on Thursday, which is probably when I am going to focus on packing. I will probably also try and pack some tomorrow morning. Then I have training all day on Friday, I will spend some time with the kids at dinner or something and then I will drive to El Paso so I can fly out on Saturday. **BIG SIGH** Wow, talk about crazy times. But it will all be worth it in the end. I do know that I am NOT going to leave directly after training because I want the kids to be able to see me before I leave and I WILL NOT leave while the baby is asleep because I want him to be able to say "dyedye" to me. (that is how he says bye bye while waving). He does know how to make the "b" sound, but can't use it correctly yet.
School is already all consuming. When I am there I will show the cumbersome syllubi that I have. I already had a late assignment. It is only my 5th day of school what am I going to do throughout the semester? I can already tell that this evening shift is getting to me. I am just not a person that can get by on 5 hours of sleep and begin my day again between 6-7am and run unitl 1 the next morning. Oh, wait....I've already said that in previous posts! BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Okay couple of jokes:
1.) A mother walks in on her daughter having sex with 2 hispanics. Mother says "What are you doing!" Daughter says: "My English teacher said I had to have 2 'esses' done by Monday."
2.) What is the definition of anxious? A man with a wife, a mortgage, and a girlfriend, all of which are a month late!
**Takes a bow** Thank you very much!
I can just see the smile and hear the giggle coming out of your mouth right now!
So, back to a heavier subject. Codey's teacher has already called me and said that Codey is not able to focus on anything at all. She says that she gives him 2 minutes to complete math problems and he can't do one, NOT ONE! She says that he is always off in his own world and that she has a hard time bringing him back to the 'real world'. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I really hate the fact that he has no ambition or drive to do any of this on his own. He uses th Vyvanse as a crutch. Jeff and I talk to him all the time about how he can do it, he just has to work hard, and it proves to do nothing for him.
I haven't had a chance to tell you, but my sister closed down her daycare after maybe 3 weeks, and tried to find a job in Roundrock. Well she couldn't so she talked it over with her husband and decided to move back to El Paso. Guess who she is going to stay with! MY MOTHER! It angers me and hurts me that whenever my sister says she needs somewhere to stay my mother always lets her stay, but whenever I need something I am told that my mother wouldn't be able to handle all the chaos. WHAT?! Okay, that makes a lot of sense.
Ugh, I just had a thought running through my mind and it plum ran past me.
I'm telling you for Christmas I want Gingko Biloba in the bulk!
Well I guess since my old age has hindered me from completing this post the way I had intended I guess that is it! I hope that you are doing ok, and that right now you are either in the tub soaking or sleeping.
Talk to you tomorrow!
Love ya,
Jenn
First, I have eaten like crap for the last 3 days, and of course the numbers on the scale show it. I just can't find the motivation right now to say no to crappy stuff. Like today I had 2 low fat multi-grain waffles for breakfast. Then I had a 'lunch' of a banana and a string cheese. Well for dinner I had to go off and BLOW IT! I had a spicy italian sandwich with italian wedding soup. I really tried to stop eating and I couldn't. I have eaten more burgers in the past week than I have in 6 months. I am so aggrevated with myself.
Then, because of my OCD's, I was doing more research on my hotel room and I found a review from a person who said that he felt really unsafe with that hotel because the police were always there, that what seemed like homeless people and drug addicts stayed in that hotel, and that drug deals would go down in the parking lot. I am soooo scared right now. I am a female by herself going in and out of that hotel room. Ohhh boy...what did I get myself into? Well my mom always told me you get what you pay for and I wanted to save $300 so, it is my fault.
I am so tired right now. My eyes are burning. I really need some time where I just sleep, as long as I want to. My body needs to recover from some of this stress. If not it is going to shut down. Usually when I get like this I tend to get really sick around February, to the point of hospitalization at times. So, none-the-less I have to try and recoop.
Right now I am trying to figure out when I am going to get everything done. I have to pack for Wednesday and Thursday for my trip to El Paso with Caleb. On top of it I have to still pack to come see you. I return from El Paso sometime on Thursday, which is probably when I am going to focus on packing. I will probably also try and pack some tomorrow morning. Then I have training all day on Friday, I will spend some time with the kids at dinner or something and then I will drive to El Paso so I can fly out on Saturday. **BIG SIGH** Wow, talk about crazy times. But it will all be worth it in the end. I do know that I am NOT going to leave directly after training because I want the kids to be able to see me before I leave and I WILL NOT leave while the baby is asleep because I want him to be able to say "dyedye" to me. (that is how he says bye bye while waving). He does know how to make the "b" sound, but can't use it correctly yet.
School is already all consuming. When I am there I will show the cumbersome syllubi that I have. I already had a late assignment. It is only my 5th day of school what am I going to do throughout the semester? I can already tell that this evening shift is getting to me. I am just not a person that can get by on 5 hours of sleep and begin my day again between 6-7am and run unitl 1 the next morning. Oh, wait....I've already said that in previous posts! BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Okay couple of jokes:
1.) A mother walks in on her daughter having sex with 2 hispanics. Mother says "What are you doing!" Daughter says: "My English teacher said I had to have 2 'esses' done by Monday."
2.) What is the definition of anxious? A man with a wife, a mortgage, and a girlfriend, all of which are a month late!
**Takes a bow** Thank you very much!
I can just see the smile and hear the giggle coming out of your mouth right now!
So, back to a heavier subject. Codey's teacher has already called me and said that Codey is not able to focus on anything at all. She says that she gives him 2 minutes to complete math problems and he can't do one, NOT ONE! She says that he is always off in his own world and that she has a hard time bringing him back to the 'real world'. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I really hate the fact that he has no ambition or drive to do any of this on his own. He uses th Vyvanse as a crutch. Jeff and I talk to him all the time about how he can do it, he just has to work hard, and it proves to do nothing for him.
I haven't had a chance to tell you, but my sister closed down her daycare after maybe 3 weeks, and tried to find a job in Roundrock. Well she couldn't so she talked it over with her husband and decided to move back to El Paso. Guess who she is going to stay with! MY MOTHER! It angers me and hurts me that whenever my sister says she needs somewhere to stay my mother always lets her stay, but whenever I need something I am told that my mother wouldn't be able to handle all the chaos. WHAT?! Okay, that makes a lot of sense.
Ugh, I just had a thought running through my mind and it plum ran past me.
I'm telling you for Christmas I want Gingko Biloba in the bulk!
Well I guess since my old age has hindered me from completing this post the way I had intended I guess that is it! I hope that you are doing ok, and that right now you are either in the tub soaking or sleeping.
Talk to you tomorrow!
Love ya,
Jenn
Friday, August 21, 2009
Neglectful
Crys,
I feel like I am neglecting you at one of the most important times that you could need me. I am so sorry. I am so busy, my head is spinning. But, I am going to try and address a lot of what you have said/posted tonight, I just hope I touch on everything. Hope you are feeling better.
First, in my opinion, John is playing a game with you, and it is not fair. You have poured your heart and soul into this relationship for almost 5 years and he continues to play games. He gets a kick out of seeing you suffer, and cry, and he knows that he is very manipulative and loves the fact that he can get you under your skin. Very twisted, let me tell you that sister.
You will survive. I promise. I remember the 1st time my ex ever left me, I cried for days, heck probably weeks and I got addicted to a Cher CD. Now when this happened Autumn was about 2 and Codey was a newborn. But, I survived, and yes it still bothers me from time to time today. I get even worse when Jeff and I are fighting and I think about him leaving. I automatically think that it would be all my fault and stuff. Which is exactly what you are thinking right now. But it is not your fault. He has antagonized you for a long time, and you have been very patient for a very long time.
I am so proud of you for your weight loss. You are doing fantastic. Keep going girl. I ate like crap today, english mcmuffin from mcdonalds, a bowl from KFC, and now a Whopper. I have weighed in as low as 210.5 but today am back up to 211, and tomorrow I will probably be at 214, so we shall see. Oh, by the way I am off of those stupid pills too, I just can't take the side effects. So I am either going to find a way to live happy fat, or find a way to lose the weight myself.
About your landlord, I would give him like 3 days to fix the stuff and then report him. It is ridiculous that he thinks you "deserve" to live in those conditions let anyone live in those conditions.
Girl, I am getting busy, I am going to say goodbye here. I am so sorry I am being neglectful.
Love ya,
Jenn
P.S. Make sure to check your e-mail!
I feel like I am neglecting you at one of the most important times that you could need me. I am so sorry. I am so busy, my head is spinning. But, I am going to try and address a lot of what you have said/posted tonight, I just hope I touch on everything. Hope you are feeling better.
First, in my opinion, John is playing a game with you, and it is not fair. You have poured your heart and soul into this relationship for almost 5 years and he continues to play games. He gets a kick out of seeing you suffer, and cry, and he knows that he is very manipulative and loves the fact that he can get you under your skin. Very twisted, let me tell you that sister.
You will survive. I promise. I remember the 1st time my ex ever left me, I cried for days, heck probably weeks and I got addicted to a Cher CD. Now when this happened Autumn was about 2 and Codey was a newborn. But, I survived, and yes it still bothers me from time to time today. I get even worse when Jeff and I are fighting and I think about him leaving. I automatically think that it would be all my fault and stuff. Which is exactly what you are thinking right now. But it is not your fault. He has antagonized you for a long time, and you have been very patient for a very long time.
I am so proud of you for your weight loss. You are doing fantastic. Keep going girl. I ate like crap today, english mcmuffin from mcdonalds, a bowl from KFC, and now a Whopper. I have weighed in as low as 210.5 but today am back up to 211, and tomorrow I will probably be at 214, so we shall see. Oh, by the way I am off of those stupid pills too, I just can't take the side effects. So I am either going to find a way to live happy fat, or find a way to lose the weight myself.
About your landlord, I would give him like 3 days to fix the stuff and then report him. It is ridiculous that he thinks you "deserve" to live in those conditions let anyone live in those conditions.
Girl, I am getting busy, I am going to say goodbye here. I am so sorry I am being neglectful.
Love ya,
Jenn
P.S. Make sure to check your e-mail!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Hi
Jenn,
SOmehow someway I am still alive. I sware I thought that I was gonna die today and that I was not going to make it through the day and here I am .
I ate the following today just so you know.
B a few bites of egg and toast but I threw it up. Not to be gross or anything
L waffles and sausage
D steak and potato and veggies
S two cookies that I made and a glass of milk
So that is what I ate today. Let's hope that I did not gain two pound just because I ate two cookies. Stranger things have happened to me. Tonight when I was talking to my gramma I told her about what happened and that the land lord was saying all that shit that I told you he was saying before and she said to me why dont you look for a better place and I said I cant really because it costs alot and she said well you have a partner and you dont have to go it alone and I held it all in but when I got off the phone I was crying again and I told John what she said and I said that I was so upset and I felt like the world was caving in on me and that I was going to have a letter on the door telling me that I needed to move out and have no time to save a sercurityt deposit and so there for would be homeless and then John Hugs me and says do you love me? I felt like dying....Do I LOVE HIM? AFter all this pain and angony.The question is about him. Then he said that he would never leave me flat. Well what does that mean? Then he said you dont love me and I said you dont love me and he said that is not true and if you did you would never have put me through the last few days and he said that he was trying to give me a little piece and that I wanted him out and that is what he was trying to do. What the fuck does all that mean.
That is where I am now.
I was just laying in my bed crying again a few hours ago while I was getting gab down and now I am like what just happened? Did John just change his mind? I dont know what the hell that means. THen by the way he cooked us dinner tonight....Jenn I am in a world that makes no sense.
I was thinking to I was not to convincing that I want you to come before. I WANT YOU TO COME! I might not be the BEST host and may be a bit out of sorts but I WANT you to come. I want to go to new york with you and the beach and the casino and the spa. I want to go to lunch and breakfast and school and all that and I want you to come. That being said if something happened with your money and you CANNOT come then can you by any chance come as soon as the money comes in? No right? Because of the vacation thing? I want you to come. NOw of then or both for good ness sake.
Sorry I was not as convinvcing before I just have no faith in myself as a anything now. N ot a mother friend woman not a thing.
But maybe tommorrow I will still weigh under 156 if so then it is offically the lowest I have been in a long time, THats good.
Talk to you soon......
C
SOmehow someway I am still alive. I sware I thought that I was gonna die today and that I was not going to make it through the day and here I am .
I ate the following today just so you know.
B a few bites of egg and toast but I threw it up. Not to be gross or anything
L waffles and sausage
D steak and potato and veggies
S two cookies that I made and a glass of milk
So that is what I ate today. Let's hope that I did not gain two pound just because I ate two cookies. Stranger things have happened to me. Tonight when I was talking to my gramma I told her about what happened and that the land lord was saying all that shit that I told you he was saying before and she said to me why dont you look for a better place and I said I cant really because it costs alot and she said well you have a partner and you dont have to go it alone and I held it all in but when I got off the phone I was crying again and I told John what she said and I said that I was so upset and I felt like the world was caving in on me and that I was going to have a letter on the door telling me that I needed to move out and have no time to save a sercurityt deposit and so there for would be homeless and then John Hugs me and says do you love me? I felt like dying....Do I LOVE HIM? AFter all this pain and angony.The question is about him. Then he said that he would never leave me flat. Well what does that mean? Then he said you dont love me and I said you dont love me and he said that is not true and if you did you would never have put me through the last few days and he said that he was trying to give me a little piece and that I wanted him out and that is what he was trying to do. What the fuck does all that mean.
That is where I am now.
I was just laying in my bed crying again a few hours ago while I was getting gab down and now I am like what just happened? Did John just change his mind? I dont know what the hell that means. THen by the way he cooked us dinner tonight....Jenn I am in a world that makes no sense.
I was thinking to I was not to convincing that I want you to come before. I WANT YOU TO COME! I might not be the BEST host and may be a bit out of sorts but I WANT you to come. I want to go to new york with you and the beach and the casino and the spa. I want to go to lunch and breakfast and school and all that and I want you to come. That being said if something happened with your money and you CANNOT come then can you by any chance come as soon as the money comes in? No right? Because of the vacation thing? I want you to come. NOw of then or both for good ness sake.
Sorry I was not as convinvcing before I just have no faith in myself as a anything now. N ot a mother friend woman not a thing.
But maybe tommorrow I will still weigh under 156 if so then it is offically the lowest I have been in a long time, THats good.
Talk to you soon......
C
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Space
Crys,
I know that you are going to need time and space right now, and I understand, but I really don't want to "lose" you. I know that you pull away when things are bothering you, but I am afraid that you are going to completely shut down and spiral down. I have 2 ears that I can lend during the day, if you need them.
I know that this hurts right now, and it will for a long time. You never know which way this will go. It may stay the way it is now or you guys may find a way to work it out. Just please don't put all your eggs in one basket. Ok? Let time be your friend, take everything right now 1 second at a time.
I am here if you need me.
Love ya,
Jenn
I know that you are going to need time and space right now, and I understand, but I really don't want to "lose" you. I know that you pull away when things are bothering you, but I am afraid that you are going to completely shut down and spiral down. I have 2 ears that I can lend during the day, if you need them.
I know that this hurts right now, and it will for a long time. You never know which way this will go. It may stay the way it is now or you guys may find a way to work it out. Just please don't put all your eggs in one basket. Ok? Let time be your friend, take everything right now 1 second at a time.
I am here if you need me.
Love ya,
Jenn
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
/why am I so stupid?
Jenn,
Be sure to scoll down because this is the secon post that I have posted for today. I am angry at myself and I will tell you why. Because just for the hell of it I went into Feb and April and read some of our old posts and you know I was saying that I was unhappy then and then there was the fact that I weighed like 2 pounds more than I weigh now. What the hell. Oh and the thing is that I know that I have been so unhappy in this relationship for way longer then I have blogged about it. I have a journal from before I was pregnant with Gab and I was fed up then. I hate myself for putting me and D through all these years and now Gab. I am telling you I want out.If my biological father did come into some moneyI would love for him to send me a check. I would be out the door. I told John that last night and I dont care if it sounds heart less but I told him that I am only here because I do not have the money to leave and that I am not in love with him anymore. And that as soon as I should get the money then I am going. I asked him to leave again and he is saying this time that is going to go and his nephew came here when he was in the middle of looking for apartments on the computer at the table. Lets not embarass ourselfs he said the minute that his nephew was walking in. I mean the sec. and then when his nephew came in he sat down to eat his lunch that he had with him and he saw that John was writing down apartments and they were one bedroom and then his nephew said oh my god he is looking for one bedrooms in a ball breaking way and I said yeah John he is your uncle treats me like shit and he does not love me anymore. Well then it continued from there and he started calling hotels to get away from me for now and for the weekend, all this is front of Ljohn by the way and then he is saying crap to him about oh his rent would be blah blah and he will pay me 400 in child support a month and blah blah,. Then he was saying shit to me and I flipped out about not being able to watch my show and during my rant and rave I said about gab you never watch this fucking kid something like that but I felt bad and said sorry later because I said something about gab with the word fucking in it. So I felt really bad for that and then he was throwing that in myface and I said to him. Your nephew can say whatever to you and he can sit on the couch with a smirk but he sees it John just like everyone esle. You treat me like shit and you do not help me the way that you should with this child and then later on when I was leaving I was in the kitchen and John was in the living room and When LJohn walked by me to leave he patted me on the back like Hang in there and I know you are suffering........I almost lost it. LOST IT> This is his best friend acknowlegding the crap that he is putting me through and I almost lost it.
K I am talking to you know so I have to go.
C
Be sure to scoll down because this is the secon post that I have posted for today. I am angry at myself and I will tell you why. Because just for the hell of it I went into Feb and April and read some of our old posts and you know I was saying that I was unhappy then and then there was the fact that I weighed like 2 pounds more than I weigh now. What the hell. Oh and the thing is that I know that I have been so unhappy in this relationship for way longer then I have blogged about it. I have a journal from before I was pregnant with Gab and I was fed up then. I hate myself for putting me and D through all these years and now Gab. I am telling you I want out.If my biological father did come into some moneyI would love for him to send me a check. I would be out the door. I told John that last night and I dont care if it sounds heart less but I told him that I am only here because I do not have the money to leave and that I am not in love with him anymore. And that as soon as I should get the money then I am going. I asked him to leave again and he is saying this time that is going to go and his nephew came here when he was in the middle of looking for apartments on the computer at the table. Lets not embarass ourselfs he said the minute that his nephew was walking in. I mean the sec. and then when his nephew came in he sat down to eat his lunch that he had with him and he saw that John was writing down apartments and they were one bedroom and then his nephew said oh my god he is looking for one bedrooms in a ball breaking way and I said yeah John he is your uncle treats me like shit and he does not love me anymore. Well then it continued from there and he started calling hotels to get away from me for now and for the weekend, all this is front of Ljohn by the way and then he is saying crap to him about oh his rent would be blah blah and he will pay me 400 in child support a month and blah blah,. Then he was saying shit to me and I flipped out about not being able to watch my show and during my rant and rave I said about gab you never watch this fucking kid something like that but I felt bad and said sorry later because I said something about gab with the word fucking in it. So I felt really bad for that and then he was throwing that in myface and I said to him. Your nephew can say whatever to you and he can sit on the couch with a smirk but he sees it John just like everyone esle. You treat me like shit and you do not help me the way that you should with this child and then later on when I was leaving I was in the kitchen and John was in the living room and When LJohn walked by me to leave he patted me on the back like Hang in there and I know you are suffering........I almost lost it. LOST IT> This is his best friend acknowlegding the crap that he is putting me through and I almost lost it.
K I am talking to you know so I have to go.
C
huh?
I really thought that I posted last night. Weird. I must of been oh yeah I was wrapped up with John being an asshole and did not get to post. Last night was horrible. He was in the worse mood and I of course being this punching bag that I am was the one to get the worst of it all. I am really just blah. I cant take it anymore we are right back where we started before he gave me the ring only worse because now I know there is no hope. there is nothing that will bring my feelings back and nothing that can help him be who I need him to be to me. I need to get out and I know that I have been saying this for the longest time but all I can say is that I am closer each day. When he moves out of here which he claims that he is looking at two apartments tommorrow we will see about that but when he moves out I will be fine. I can do it. It will be really hard and I will have to cut costs but if he does what he should am gives me the money that he should then I will be ok. Again we will see.
But that is neither here or there.
i weighed 156 today. The best weight in the longest time. But like I said I am Off the pill this week and it is the pill that if I were to swollow it tommorrow I would put on two pounds overnight for sure. That is sooooo agrevating. More so since I dont need the pill. But take it for fear of what would happen if. But you know what I think I might stop it all together once this bum moves out. I am not going to be doing anything with anyone for a long time so. WHat the hell am I taking them for? Again assuming that not a soul reads our What has turned into a diary that we write in. ARG.
Okay girl. My house phone is here call me when you can, I am here.
C
But that is neither here or there.
i weighed 156 today. The best weight in the longest time. But like I said I am Off the pill this week and it is the pill that if I were to swollow it tommorrow I would put on two pounds overnight for sure. That is sooooo agrevating. More so since I dont need the pill. But take it for fear of what would happen if. But you know what I think I might stop it all together once this bum moves out. I am not going to be doing anything with anyone for a long time so. WHat the hell am I taking them for? Again assuming that not a soul reads our What has turned into a diary that we write in. ARG.
Okay girl. My house phone is here call me when you can, I am here.
C
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Validation
Crys,
First, don't be so hard on yourself. I understand 110% that you need a break. It is very strenuous, stressful, and difficult to be the sole provider for a child. It only makes it worse that you are the sole provider when you know that you should have a partner in it all.
I have done the same thing with Caleb. I will just walk away and let him cry because I get frustrated. Especially when he wants up then down and he cries when you put him down and I get to the point where I don't know what to do with him anymore. We all get to that point sometime or another.
You know, I have done the same thing with trying to get everything done and not making sure that Caleb or any of the kids are taken care of first. We have so much to do as moms that we just sometimes want to get something completely finished for one time in our lives. You need to be complimented that you can get Gab down! Heck, Caleb runs around and decides when he is going to bed! But, he is usually pretty consistant in that he is usually in bed no later than 930.
So you like True Blood, what a big deal? Next time just remember to tell yourself that the laundry will be there tomorrow and that your child and your sanity are way more important!
Girl about the eating out part I understand. Trust me. I feel the same way with the kids. Caleb wants to get down and play, Jadon and Codey can't sit still for the life of them and they constantly want some other things. Autumn is relatively good. Sometimes she throws attitude, but not all that often. I will definitely go out to breakfast with you.
Okay girl not sure if you are going to get to read this tonight, and I don't think I responded to everything, but I think I hit on the main points.
Remember you need to take care of you so you can take care of them.
Love ya,
Jenn
P.S. I was just watching T.V. saw this commercial, and forgot to tell you that if you ever see the Dell commerical where they are singing Lollipop. Lollipop oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop...You need to think of Caleb. He LOVES that commercial and comes running from anywhere in the house he is to watch that commercial! And today, he came ripping around the corner from the kitchen saying LOLLIPOP!!!! It was adorable.
First, don't be so hard on yourself. I understand 110% that you need a break. It is very strenuous, stressful, and difficult to be the sole provider for a child. It only makes it worse that you are the sole provider when you know that you should have a partner in it all.
I have done the same thing with Caleb. I will just walk away and let him cry because I get frustrated. Especially when he wants up then down and he cries when you put him down and I get to the point where I don't know what to do with him anymore. We all get to that point sometime or another.
You know, I have done the same thing with trying to get everything done and not making sure that Caleb or any of the kids are taken care of first. We have so much to do as moms that we just sometimes want to get something completely finished for one time in our lives. You need to be complimented that you can get Gab down! Heck, Caleb runs around and decides when he is going to bed! But, he is usually pretty consistant in that he is usually in bed no later than 930.
So you like True Blood, what a big deal? Next time just remember to tell yourself that the laundry will be there tomorrow and that your child and your sanity are way more important!
Girl about the eating out part I understand. Trust me. I feel the same way with the kids. Caleb wants to get down and play, Jadon and Codey can't sit still for the life of them and they constantly want some other things. Autumn is relatively good. Sometimes she throws attitude, but not all that often. I will definitely go out to breakfast with you.
Okay girl not sure if you are going to get to read this tonight, and I don't think I responded to everything, but I think I hit on the main points.
Remember you need to take care of you so you can take care of them.
Love ya,
Jenn
P.S. I was just watching T.V. saw this commercial, and forgot to tell you that if you ever see the Dell commerical where they are singing Lollipop. Lollipop oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop...You need to think of Caleb. He LOVES that commercial and comes running from anywhere in the house he is to watch that commercial! And today, he came ripping around the corner from the kitchen saying LOLLIPOP!!!! It was adorable.
MEAN MOMMIE VAMPIRE LOVER
hey,
Sorry that I fell of the world again. I feel like such a bad mom. But true blood was on at 9 my time and I was trying to get gab down.She would not go because I started to late and she was over tired. I tried to do all the laundry and get it all away and then put her down and that was a mistake because she was so over tired and un happy. Well I got mad at her. I put her down and told her she had to be a cry baby all alone and then I yelled at John saying WHy cant you ever watch this fucking kid. I feel so bad now for a number of reasons. I feel like I was mean to Gab and talked mean about her. That is the biggest thing that I feel bad about. but i did not get to watch my show because I gave up and went upstairs to lay with her. It made me feel like I am selfish and need to not be.
I said sorry to her and she seems to be fine. SHe wasnt crying because I put her down and said that do you think that she is ok>? JEnn I cant help it I need a break. Even this morning at breakfast with my gram I am telling you it is like WORK for me to go out and eat. I am sweating in an air condictioned room. Gab wants to get out of the high chair and touch everything that is hot my gramma asks me questions about things over and over that she knows the answer to and gab is like all over and I am telling you IO shovel in my food and only stop when it is gone! So it is not good. I do not enjoy myself and I would love love love to go out to eat for breakfast withyou two times while you are here once with Gab and once without so you can see what I mean and so that we can enjoy ourselfs. ARG.
As far as eating goes it was ok
B eggs and homfries toast and coffee
L macaroni John made
D turkey sandwich.
I could have done without the turkey sandwich because I ate it at 10pm. I tried to make the pasta lunch and dinner since I had it at 4 but I couldnt or I was just to tired from the mess with Gab fighting sleep.
ANyway be careful with those pills. If you can just use them for a jump start like you said. I know you will do ok!
I think that you working pt would be a great answer. Maybe you can hire someone for the one day. A gramma or stay at home mom? Look around and ask around sometimes people at the kids school might have a sitter they use and that they can tell you is a safe and respondsible person. I think that you should really look into this option and like you said with the money you are saving you might break even and you probally did not factor in GAS do that and I bet it is about even!
The good news is that true blood is on again at 11:30. THe bad news is that I should have just not tried to watch the early one in the first place. Oh well.I am a bad person some days.
I try so hard and then when I act like an asshole I feel like it cancels ever good thing I do out.
Love ya and I am so happy I have you too. I know that you have Jeff but it is true that sometimes it just has to be a girlfriend that you shoot the breeze with. I hope that you are almost done with your shift! I will talk to you soon.
Night
c
Sorry that I fell of the world again. I feel like such a bad mom. But true blood was on at 9 my time and I was trying to get gab down.She would not go because I started to late and she was over tired. I tried to do all the laundry and get it all away and then put her down and that was a mistake because she was so over tired and un happy. Well I got mad at her. I put her down and told her she had to be a cry baby all alone and then I yelled at John saying WHy cant you ever watch this fucking kid. I feel so bad now for a number of reasons. I feel like I was mean to Gab and talked mean about her. That is the biggest thing that I feel bad about. but i did not get to watch my show because I gave up and went upstairs to lay with her. It made me feel like I am selfish and need to not be.
I said sorry to her and she seems to be fine. SHe wasnt crying because I put her down and said that do you think that she is ok>? JEnn I cant help it I need a break. Even this morning at breakfast with my gram I am telling you it is like WORK for me to go out and eat. I am sweating in an air condictioned room. Gab wants to get out of the high chair and touch everything that is hot my gramma asks me questions about things over and over that she knows the answer to and gab is like all over and I am telling you IO shovel in my food and only stop when it is gone! So it is not good. I do not enjoy myself and I would love love love to go out to eat for breakfast withyou two times while you are here once with Gab and once without so you can see what I mean and so that we can enjoy ourselfs. ARG.
As far as eating goes it was ok
B eggs and homfries toast and coffee
L macaroni John made
D turkey sandwich.
I could have done without the turkey sandwich because I ate it at 10pm. I tried to make the pasta lunch and dinner since I had it at 4 but I couldnt or I was just to tired from the mess with Gab fighting sleep.
ANyway be careful with those pills. If you can just use them for a jump start like you said. I know you will do ok!
I think that you working pt would be a great answer. Maybe you can hire someone for the one day. A gramma or stay at home mom? Look around and ask around sometimes people at the kids school might have a sitter they use and that they can tell you is a safe and respondsible person. I think that you should really look into this option and like you said with the money you are saving you might break even and you probally did not factor in GAS do that and I bet it is about even!
The good news is that true blood is on again at 11:30. THe bad news is that I should have just not tried to watch the early one in the first place. Oh well.I am a bad person some days.
I try so hard and then when I act like an asshole I feel like it cancels ever good thing I do out.
Love ya and I am so happy I have you too. I know that you have Jeff but it is true that sometimes it just has to be a girlfriend that you shoot the breeze with. I hope that you are almost done with your shift! I will talk to you soon.
Night
c
Mimis time
Hello there. Hope your day is going well.
I am at work, again, and still have 6 hours to go, and I am tired. I really need to have a day where I can just sleep when I want to. Tomorrow I am off, but I need to be making appointments for Jadon and Autumn who need shots, I need to deal with NMSU and my loans, and gosh I don't even know what else. I just know that it is extremely difficult for me to get up between 530-7am when Caleb gets up after getting home at 1am. I tend to get more frustrated and cranky, not to mention lazy when I don't get enough sleep. So, I will have to do something tomorrow that will keep me going and not make me crabby. God knows it is blistering hot outside so the park and stuff is out of the question.
I am really trying to find a way to go part-time and only work 1 day a week and then Saturday and Sunday. If I could do 30 hours a week I wouldn't lose all that much money, and we would save like $500 or more on daycare. Not to mention that I would be able to focus on my education, because to be honest I know that I am not going to be able to keep up with everything with the hours and stuff that I am working. I just have no idea what I am going to do with Caleb for that 1 day a week. I had a brilliant, although not too plausible idea of maybe Jeff could come home 1/2 day one day a week and continue his work at home. But I don't think that his boss is going to allow that. Then I had the idea that maybe my mom could come up just for that day, but I think she would get tired of that very fast. I don't know. It will all work itself out.
So, today my eating went better:
B-2 pancackes with apples and pecans in it
L-1 enchilada a small serving of rice and beans
D-haven't eaten yet but I am thinking about a Flatbread Spicy Italian Sandwich
I have drank about 40 oz of water so far today, but should be drinking so much more. I can feel my heartrate going up and that always means I am dehydrated. Yes I am back on the phentermine, so my thirst and heartrate will be up inevitably. I know that it makes me feel like crap, but to be honest I like the fact that I don't feel hungry, like ever. I have to force myself to eat. I am going to try and get down to 210 or 205 and then I will let it go. I do know though that because it works so well on me I am going to have to flush the pills down the toilet when it comes time because I will just go right back to them. I have to trick myself into thinking that I am full all the time.
Girl I am at a loss for words right now. I don't know quite what to say. Ha, a first for me! I sent you a text earlier and thanked you for being my BFF, and stated that you are a wonderful person. Jeff is good to go to, but sometimes I just need a woman's opinion, and Lord knows I have no one else I can trust.
Well, I guess that is all for tonight, sorry it is such a short post.
Have a good night,
Jenn
I am at work, again, and still have 6 hours to go, and I am tired. I really need to have a day where I can just sleep when I want to. Tomorrow I am off, but I need to be making appointments for Jadon and Autumn who need shots, I need to deal with NMSU and my loans, and gosh I don't even know what else. I just know that it is extremely difficult for me to get up between 530-7am when Caleb gets up after getting home at 1am. I tend to get more frustrated and cranky, not to mention lazy when I don't get enough sleep. So, I will have to do something tomorrow that will keep me going and not make me crabby. God knows it is blistering hot outside so the park and stuff is out of the question.
I am really trying to find a way to go part-time and only work 1 day a week and then Saturday and Sunday. If I could do 30 hours a week I wouldn't lose all that much money, and we would save like $500 or more on daycare. Not to mention that I would be able to focus on my education, because to be honest I know that I am not going to be able to keep up with everything with the hours and stuff that I am working. I just have no idea what I am going to do with Caleb for that 1 day a week. I had a brilliant, although not too plausible idea of maybe Jeff could come home 1/2 day one day a week and continue his work at home. But I don't think that his boss is going to allow that. Then I had the idea that maybe my mom could come up just for that day, but I think she would get tired of that very fast. I don't know. It will all work itself out.
So, today my eating went better:
B-2 pancackes with apples and pecans in it
L-1 enchilada a small serving of rice and beans
D-haven't eaten yet but I am thinking about a Flatbread Spicy Italian Sandwich
I have drank about 40 oz of water so far today, but should be drinking so much more. I can feel my heartrate going up and that always means I am dehydrated. Yes I am back on the phentermine, so my thirst and heartrate will be up inevitably. I know that it makes me feel like crap, but to be honest I like the fact that I don't feel hungry, like ever. I have to force myself to eat. I am going to try and get down to 210 or 205 and then I will let it go. I do know though that because it works so well on me I am going to have to flush the pills down the toilet when it comes time because I will just go right back to them. I have to trick myself into thinking that I am full all the time.
Girl I am at a loss for words right now. I don't know quite what to say. Ha, a first for me! I sent you a text earlier and thanked you for being my BFF, and stated that you are a wonderful person. Jeff is good to go to, but sometimes I just need a woman's opinion, and Lord knows I have no one else I can trust.
Well, I guess that is all for tonight, sorry it is such a short post.
Have a good night,
Jenn
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Oh boy
Jenn,
I am so sorry that I did not know this all sooner and I am sorry that the loan company is being so haywire. I hope that they get what they need and get it all together not just because I want to see you so badly but also becuase I do not want anything to go wrong with your school and with your ability to buy your books. I know it is hard but I cant wait until I have to go back and deal with all this stuff because the hard work really will pay off and education is the only thing that we will always have with us and there is not a thing that will change it.
That being said I am so sorry that you and having a click issue at work. I did not know that it was like that there but I do know that it can be no fun. I do not like to have a job where people are clicky at all. The best thing about my job is that we dont really have enough time together to be clicky being that we are all on the road. I think there might have been a click or too in the past but I was two new to know about it. That is great thing about working on the road and alot of the woman that I work with are 30 and 40 ish and I think they are over it. For real. I hope that you guys hire a bunch of brand new girls and guys so that you get higher on the todum pole. That is the other reason that I in a rush to get this promotion I want to more up so bad it is not even funny!!! I NEED TO FEEL IMPORTANT AT MY JOB! You should have that too!
What esle....Oh my god the sitter. After all the crap that she put you through and now to dump you like that??? WHat about the nine million kids she is watching. Ok what about your other three? What is she going to do go to work while the big kids are in school and then watch them all afterwards? THat is the only thing that I can think she might be plannig because I doubt she would take all of those kids just to throw them out shortly after. I hope it all works out soon with that. I pray that it goes smoothly.
Oh boy, I am not sure if I got to it all on the post but I think I got the big stuff. Oh and go easy with those diet pills because I know that you do not like the way that they make you feel and I dont want you feeling sick.
I did okay with my eating today. It was an ok day. I was stressed to no end bouncing from thing to thing. John gave me money to get the kids school clothes well Darren and gab by deflaut.....and I went to the outlets which I did not realize are an hour away. Kelly and her baby met me out there and that was nice because I have not seen him. I want you to meet them when you are here. I want you to meet everyone that you can becuase you will have faces to put with all of the names that you hear. Then we had a piece of pizza at a little place for lunch with the kids and I went towards home. GOt Andy from my grams and went to the party. My god it was hot but the kids had fun. Darren had a blast and Gab cried once at the happy birthday song because Josh's grandfather is an indian and a little different and big and scarey then she is used to and she cried like crazy when he was singing happy birthday. But over all it was good. Then on the way home my gram played the guilt card of course because I did not do anything with her! I told her why dont you let me pick you up and take you over my house because I am wet from the water park and covered in sand and I have on a dress and have cramps and I know that the time of the month is here right now and I have to get home ASAP.... And you know she was like no I am fine and I will stay home. Maybe tommorrow. SO now tommorrow I have to have my gram over AND then I called Donna and she was like are you coming over! I was like NO! I have to go home and I will come over tommorrow! I have to go home. But Donna got the baby a bunch of really cute new toys and she wants to show them to her but I had to get home. I could not take going to one more place at all! and like I said the impending doom of the my time of the month plus dress equals BAD BAD BAD..... I have just assumed that no one reads this but us so if someone ever did then I am sorry for all that TMI but oh well....So then after all that I come home to see the person that called me and I did not want her ever to call me again. I was just done so done.....I took a Tylenol three and a Muscle relaxer and I hope to sleep like a log.
Now how wierd is it wthat you and I were both covered in hives in the last few days. I was laying in my bed last night and all the sudden boom hives all over my back on both sides. I have no clue what it was from and I went down stairs spazing out to John. Who by the way is very worried that I am going to ignore him when you are here. I told him that I am not going to BUT my energy and attention will be on you the whole time! He will have to be left out a little....But it is ok I told him all our plans and it will be great. I just hope that the college thing works out and that you can come! looks like I got some of those problems myself. If I do not get my bonus at work then I will not be able to pay for my course and I am going to have to borrow the money from John. I dont want to do that but I have no real choice. Other than drop the class and come hell or high water I am not going to do that! I am going to have to hit him up for money when we go to the city to. Just going to have to give up my pride for the greater good.
Okay I think that I have done enough rambling for the night! I will talk to you soon. I love ya and I am going to text you now. Just know that you will always be my Bff not to sound corny but for real you are the kinda friend I know I will never lose or let go of.
C
I am so sorry that I did not know this all sooner and I am sorry that the loan company is being so haywire. I hope that they get what they need and get it all together not just because I want to see you so badly but also becuase I do not want anything to go wrong with your school and with your ability to buy your books. I know it is hard but I cant wait until I have to go back and deal with all this stuff because the hard work really will pay off and education is the only thing that we will always have with us and there is not a thing that will change it.
That being said I am so sorry that you and having a click issue at work. I did not know that it was like that there but I do know that it can be no fun. I do not like to have a job where people are clicky at all. The best thing about my job is that we dont really have enough time together to be clicky being that we are all on the road. I think there might have been a click or too in the past but I was two new to know about it. That is great thing about working on the road and alot of the woman that I work with are 30 and 40 ish and I think they are over it. For real. I hope that you guys hire a bunch of brand new girls and guys so that you get higher on the todum pole. That is the other reason that I in a rush to get this promotion I want to more up so bad it is not even funny!!! I NEED TO FEEL IMPORTANT AT MY JOB! You should have that too!
What esle....Oh my god the sitter. After all the crap that she put you through and now to dump you like that??? WHat about the nine million kids she is watching. Ok what about your other three? What is she going to do go to work while the big kids are in school and then watch them all afterwards? THat is the only thing that I can think she might be plannig because I doubt she would take all of those kids just to throw them out shortly after. I hope it all works out soon with that. I pray that it goes smoothly.
Oh boy, I am not sure if I got to it all on the post but I think I got the big stuff. Oh and go easy with those diet pills because I know that you do not like the way that they make you feel and I dont want you feeling sick.
I did okay with my eating today. It was an ok day. I was stressed to no end bouncing from thing to thing. John gave me money to get the kids school clothes well Darren and gab by deflaut.....and I went to the outlets which I did not realize are an hour away. Kelly and her baby met me out there and that was nice because I have not seen him. I want you to meet them when you are here. I want you to meet everyone that you can becuase you will have faces to put with all of the names that you hear. Then we had a piece of pizza at a little place for lunch with the kids and I went towards home. GOt Andy from my grams and went to the party. My god it was hot but the kids had fun. Darren had a blast and Gab cried once at the happy birthday song because Josh's grandfather is an indian and a little different and big and scarey then she is used to and she cried like crazy when he was singing happy birthday. But over all it was good. Then on the way home my gram played the guilt card of course because I did not do anything with her! I told her why dont you let me pick you up and take you over my house because I am wet from the water park and covered in sand and I have on a dress and have cramps and I know that the time of the month is here right now and I have to get home ASAP.... And you know she was like no I am fine and I will stay home. Maybe tommorrow. SO now tommorrow I have to have my gram over AND then I called Donna and she was like are you coming over! I was like NO! I have to go home and I will come over tommorrow! I have to go home. But Donna got the baby a bunch of really cute new toys and she wants to show them to her but I had to get home. I could not take going to one more place at all! and like I said the impending doom of the my time of the month plus dress equals BAD BAD BAD..... I have just assumed that no one reads this but us so if someone ever did then I am sorry for all that TMI but oh well....So then after all that I come home to see the person that called me and I did not want her ever to call me again. I was just done so done.....I took a Tylenol three and a Muscle relaxer and I hope to sleep like a log.
Now how wierd is it wthat you and I were both covered in hives in the last few days. I was laying in my bed last night and all the sudden boom hives all over my back on both sides. I have no clue what it was from and I went down stairs spazing out to John. Who by the way is very worried that I am going to ignore him when you are here. I told him that I am not going to BUT my energy and attention will be on you the whole time! He will have to be left out a little....But it is ok I told him all our plans and it will be great. I just hope that the college thing works out and that you can come! looks like I got some of those problems myself. If I do not get my bonus at work then I will not be able to pay for my course and I am going to have to borrow the money from John. I dont want to do that but I have no real choice. Other than drop the class and come hell or high water I am not going to do that! I am going to have to hit him up for money when we go to the city to. Just going to have to give up my pride for the greater good.
Okay I think that I have done enough rambling for the night! I will talk to you soon. I love ya and I am going to text you now. Just know that you will always be my Bff not to sound corny but for real you are the kinda friend I know I will never lose or let go of.
C
Fed UP
First, the pics are absolutely beautiful! It looks like you guys were having fun. Good for you! Now, word of warning: This post is going to be nothing but a rant and rave and so I don't know if you want to read it if you are having a crappy day.
Okay, first yesterday SUCKED! First I had that stupid Incident Command training that I didn't need to be there for. It was all about how to setup an Incident Command for things like Hurricanes, Tornados, Fires. Ummm...I am nothing but a dispatcher, I do not have any want nor will I ever be needed to assist in the set up of Command. So, pretty much I felt like my time I could have had with my kids was squandered away. Also, yesterday, I noticed that my school loans had not been disbursed. So, I called NMSU and they proceeded to tell me that I hadn't chosen a lender...WHAT????!!!! And you couldn't have told me I had to do this I don't know, a week ago? So, during my lunch hour from that stupid and unneccessary training, I went home and chose my lender, renewed my MPN, and am praying to God, that they send over the Letter of Certification to my lender Monday so I can have my loans deposited into the account by Wednesday, hopefully. I still have to buy my books and everything. Not to mention I don't want to try and book my vacation like Tuesday or Wednesday before I leave. I'm going crazy I'm telling ya.
Next, I am so fed up with work. Things here have gotten to be very unethical in my view, and what can I do about it? NOTHING! I am not part of the clicks that run around here, so I am a red-headed stepchild pee-on.
To add to my stress my sitter told me yesterday that she is probably going to have to go to work, hence not being able to watch the baby anymore. Which, I understand and already had the paperwork filled out for the new daycare. The problem is getting the money together to make that first payment. I have $91 until Jeff gets paid on the 20th and then he has to pay mortgage, his car payments, and his school loans so there is not going to be any money.
Okay, I guess that is it I am sitting at work waiting for my 14 hours to go by. So I will talk to you later. I can text when you get a chance, so give me a buzz.
Talk to you later,
Love ya
Jenn
Okay, first yesterday SUCKED! First I had that stupid Incident Command training that I didn't need to be there for. It was all about how to setup an Incident Command for things like Hurricanes, Tornados, Fires. Ummm...I am nothing but a dispatcher, I do not have any want nor will I ever be needed to assist in the set up of Command. So, pretty much I felt like my time I could have had with my kids was squandered away. Also, yesterday, I noticed that my school loans had not been disbursed. So, I called NMSU and they proceeded to tell me that I hadn't chosen a lender...WHAT????!!!! And you couldn't have told me I had to do this I don't know, a week ago? So, during my lunch hour from that stupid and unneccessary training, I went home and chose my lender, renewed my MPN, and am praying to God, that they send over the Letter of Certification to my lender Monday so I can have my loans deposited into the account by Wednesday, hopefully. I still have to buy my books and everything. Not to mention I don't want to try and book my vacation like Tuesday or Wednesday before I leave. I'm going crazy I'm telling ya.
Next, I am so fed up with work. Things here have gotten to be very unethical in my view, and what can I do about it? NOTHING! I am not part of the clicks that run around here, so I am a red-headed stepchild pee-on.
To add to my stress my sitter told me yesterday that she is probably going to have to go to work, hence not being able to watch the baby anymore. Which, I understand and already had the paperwork filled out for the new daycare. The problem is getting the money together to make that first payment. I have $91 until Jeff gets paid on the 20th and then he has to pay mortgage, his car payments, and his school loans so there is not going to be any money.
Okay, I guess that is it I am sitting at work waiting for my 14 hours to go by. So I will talk to you later. I can text when you get a chance, so give me a buzz.
Talk to you later,
Love ya
Jenn
Friday, August 14, 2009
hey...Where are you? I bet you are saying the same thing right now about me because my phone has been in the car all afternoon and I bet you called or text from work. God sometimes I dont know how you can be friends with me I am so bad sometimes I feel so bad! Anyway I have the cutest pics from the beach today. I joined this little playgroup. It only has like ten moms in it and I joined it forever ago but I just decided that I would go to a play date. It was at the beach and there was only three other moms and their children but it was fun. One of the moms took the cutest pics of me and gab going down the slide it was so cute. If I can go in and save them then I will try to post them here so that you can see them...hold on a sec....
Okay I got them but for some reason they went above the typing. That is so weird.
Anyway I did okay with my eating today. I did eat a burger and fries for lunch bad I know but the beach has crappy food and this was one of those I am so hungry I want to eat my hand kinda of moments. But I ate good for breakfast and dinner and I had a snack at night but it was just a bowl of fruit. SO I dont feel bad at all.
Anyways I am going to go and get my phone out of the car and text you because I feel bad. You must think that I fell of the planet. Love ya!
Talk to you soon.
C
Thursday, August 13, 2009
hey girl. This is my first post from my new computer! There are a few things that I dont like about this one already! DArn. It is heavy compared to my other one. not bigger but heavier for sure. I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing. The other thing that I dont like all that much is that when you type the keys make more noise and I like to be quite as to not wake up the sleeping angel that is an inch from the keyboard. Anyway at least having two computers in the house will really come in handy for my college class because I will never have to worry that john would try to steal my computer when I need to do school work. Hah! That is a good thing. This computer is brand new and the guy at work said that it was a good one with alot of memory maybe that is why it is so darn heavy. WHo knows.
Anyways. I am watching tv as usual just junk.
I ate ok today not great. Yesterday I ate like crap sorry if I did not tell you about it. But I did. WHat esle.
I dont have a ton to say tonight here besides for come to CT! Cant wait!
Okay I am going to go to bed!
Crystal
Anyways. I am watching tv as usual just junk.
I ate ok today not great. Yesterday I ate like crap sorry if I did not tell you about it. But I did. WHat esle.
I dont have a ton to say tonight here besides for come to CT! Cant wait!
Okay I am going to go to bed!
Crystal
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Jenn....You know that the last thing you need is another pill that makes you feel like crap. I think that you will do fine without it. You are a hard worker. We will find time to go to the gym when we are out together come hell or high water!!!! I am promising you! I have the black card to my gym and it lets me take people for free. I was just thinking about it today. I cant believe you are coming! I am starting to let myself get excited. I was a little careful about it because I know that things come up sometimes and you know you might not have been able to come. but I am offically looking forward to it full speed ahead now! What is the offical day and time? Or didnt you say you are not quite sure yet! I dont know but I want to know!
YIPEE....
A bit of good news but could be bad for my Heather....She has this job at a restaurant but it is seasonal and it closes in Sept or Oct. At that time she will not have a job and will need to wait for the season again to start in like.....April ish. So I am going to ask her if she will have gab...Full or almost full time....Like M to T from 10 to 3. Then I will come home and finish my day at home. Also My day on friday can be done at home.
So my week would look like this
M-T
7:30 to 8:30 work at home....paperwork emails etc.
8:30 drop bird at school on my way to first kid....
9 to 11 first kid
11:15 to 1:15 second kid
1:30 to 2:30 third kid
driving time....
3 get bird and go home...
With this schedule I can have a case load of 20 hours of direct service and then the other stuff can be done on Friday....When you look at it like this is doesnt look all that bad does it? Gab will still have me every afternoon and all day on Friday. I can work while she naps and at night to compromise. It doesnt matter what time I work when I work from home! I CAN DO IT, I wont have time to eat or pee but I can do it.
Anyway....Gotta go gab is up what esle is new...
LOVE YA
Crystal
YIPEE....
A bit of good news but could be bad for my Heather....She has this job at a restaurant but it is seasonal and it closes in Sept or Oct. At that time she will not have a job and will need to wait for the season again to start in like.....April ish. So I am going to ask her if she will have gab...Full or almost full time....Like M to T from 10 to 3. Then I will come home and finish my day at home. Also My day on friday can be done at home.
So my week would look like this
M-T
7:30 to 8:30 work at home....paperwork emails etc.
8:30 drop bird at school on my way to first kid....
9 to 11 first kid
11:15 to 1:15 second kid
1:30 to 2:30 third kid
driving time....
3 get bird and go home...
With this schedule I can have a case load of 20 hours of direct service and then the other stuff can be done on Friday....When you look at it like this is doesnt look all that bad does it? Gab will still have me every afternoon and all day on Friday. I can work while she naps and at night to compromise. It doesnt matter what time I work when I work from home! I CAN DO IT, I wont have time to eat or pee but I can do it.
Anyway....Gotta go gab is up what esle is new...
LOVE YA
Crystal
On my own
Okay, so I have come to the decision, and not a rash one, that I am NOT, repeat NOT going to take these pills anymore. I really don't like the way they make me feel. I don't like the feeling of a very rapid heartbeat with the inability to take a deep breath. I hate it. So, I am on my own in getting my weight down. In my opinion Crys, I would not take that Alli stuff, I just don't think that you need it. You have done an amazing job thus far, and I think you can complete your journey, you just need to refocus.
Girl I am so tired it isn't funny. I am at work right now and I will be home at 1am just to be back up at like 630 to take Jadon over to his school for some type of "assessement" they are having him take. Then on Thursday, I have Fire Dispatch training that I have to travel to Artesia for. So, again, my days off are not my days off. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Right?
Alright girlie, I know that I have not addressed anything from your post and I am sorry, but I am not focused right now on anything, and I don't want to say something wrong or read something wrong. I will read it again when I have some free quiet time and post to it.
I'll talk to you later.
Love ya,
Jenn
Girl I am so tired it isn't funny. I am at work right now and I will be home at 1am just to be back up at like 630 to take Jadon over to his school for some type of "assessement" they are having him take. Then on Thursday, I have Fire Dispatch training that I have to travel to Artesia for. So, again, my days off are not my days off. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Right?
Alright girlie, I know that I have not addressed anything from your post and I am sorry, but I am not focused right now on anything, and I don't want to say something wrong or read something wrong. I will read it again when I have some free quiet time and post to it.
I'll talk to you later.
Love ya,
Jenn
Monday, August 10, 2009
2 down for me and six to go....
Do you think that I should take the Alli medication stuff? I am jealous! i want help! ARG.
Oh well that being said I am so happy for you and glad that you are on your way down. I know you have been working so hard and you deserve to jump start this all. I am glad. and green.....with envy!
Anyway, That crazy lady that was selling her condo called me again today. The funny thing is I was on the way home from work and I thought about her and then when I got home John was like oh the lady called you....And ha I call her and she is like oh I did not sell my condo do you want to buy it if I sell it in a couple of months? The lady is nuts jenn. NUTS. I will tell you the whole story on the phone because you need to hear me to get the full effect. Anyways. If she for some reason does sell the condo for real then yes damn I am going to go for it of course but I can tell you right now that I am not counting on this woman at all she is nuts! but it is sooooo big and if I where to get it the kids would both have their own room with a laundry room and an over sized closet/little room that has no window but could easliy be made into an office and a kicthen and living room one and a half baths and a basement. It would be great. Ah pipe dreams kinda I guess. We will see.
Any way....My sister texted me and asked me if i want to go to kmart on this wed. I thought of you of course. We are going to go she wants to put a big tv on layway. I want to make a layaway too but I would like to get some clothes on it that are a little two small and use it as motivation. i wonder if they have winter clothes out here yet in the stores I have not noticed but we shall see.
What esle. gab is up. ARg she wakes up so easy sometimes. Okay I have a ton more to say to you but I will have to come back. I am gonna let you read this now.
B r b
Oh well that being said I am so happy for you and glad that you are on your way down. I know you have been working so hard and you deserve to jump start this all. I am glad. and green.....with envy!
Anyway, That crazy lady that was selling her condo called me again today. The funny thing is I was on the way home from work and I thought about her and then when I got home John was like oh the lady called you....And ha I call her and she is like oh I did not sell my condo do you want to buy it if I sell it in a couple of months? The lady is nuts jenn. NUTS. I will tell you the whole story on the phone because you need to hear me to get the full effect. Anyways. If she for some reason does sell the condo for real then yes damn I am going to go for it of course but I can tell you right now that I am not counting on this woman at all she is nuts! but it is sooooo big and if I where to get it the kids would both have their own room with a laundry room and an over sized closet/little room that has no window but could easliy be made into an office and a kicthen and living room one and a half baths and a basement. It would be great. Ah pipe dreams kinda I guess. We will see.
Any way....My sister texted me and asked me if i want to go to kmart on this wed. I thought of you of course. We are going to go she wants to put a big tv on layway. I want to make a layaway too but I would like to get some clothes on it that are a little two small and use it as motivation. i wonder if they have winter clothes out here yet in the stores I have not noticed but we shall see.
What esle. gab is up. ARg she wakes up so easy sometimes. Okay I have a ton more to say to you but I will have to come back. I am gonna let you read this now.
B r b
Down 4 and 19 to go
Crystal,
First sorry I didn't get on here last night, I was really busy with getting things settled and washing clothes and stuff like that. I also did not get to watch True Blood like I wanted. I ended up going to bed just after 9 so I could get up and work today.
I am glad that you are doing better with your choices of food during the day and am estatic that you are not snacking at night. I think that is going to help you a lot. I have been doing great! I only eat 1/2 of all my servings and I drink like 60 plus ounces of water a day. I got on the scale this morning and down to 214 I was. So I think that this is working. I don't really care for the side effects of the pills, like dry mouth and a little more rapid heartbeat than I am used to, but I will deal with it until I can get these 30 pounds off. The only thing that I am not doing and am supposed to be is working out. To be honest I am scared because my heartrate is already elevated, I am afraid of pushing too hard.
I am sorry that you ran into John's niece and that it made you feel like you did. But, trust me, I get the same feelings. I understand completely that you are dedicated to your kids, as am I, and that you would like to go and have a day out, and you deserve it. Gab and Darren have you ALL the time, and in the midst of being a mother, I think you have lost a piece of yourself. Once a month you should gather up the girls and go do something. Maybe a movie and coffee, or facials and lunch. Gab has to get used to mom having just one or two days for herself. Crys, trust me, when I was 14 and my mom started going out again, I was so angry and I would throw all sorts of fits and would tell her I hated her because for all those years my mom never went anywhere or did anything, I was always with her, and I don't want you to go through that. The kids need to understand that as much as you are their mom you are also an individual who needs that alone time. Besides, it would allow them to be independant of mom and teach them what capable individuals they are.
I too am conflicted because I am so excited to come see you, only 19 days, yet I stood by the car on Saturday night when Jeff dropped me off at my moms and took the baby with him so I could have a night of solid sleep, and I felt so sad, I felt like I was abandoning him. So, can you imagine what I am going to be like when I'm with you! You're going to definitely meet the basketcase! I know there is an option to bring him, but I really don't think that would be such a good idea. I just don't think that I could handle the stroller, the carseat, and him with layovers, not to mention that wouldn't be fair for him to be in the carseat like 8 hours. So, I am going to have to conquer my guilt and anxiety and just do it. Jeff and I have decided that we would Skype while I am there so he could see me and I can see him.
You know, the whole thing with your neighbor, that is just crap. She complains about the kids respecting her area and acting like they do, but yet she lets her tomato plants grow wild all over the place. And I was think that maybe she picked the green tomatoes because she likes "Fried Green Tomatoes". I hope that you were able to get the sandbox as well as set up the slide! I think that Gab will have a blast. Just be careful, and I probably don't have to tell you this, but sandboxes tend to get round and ring worms.
I am debating which flight I am going to take, but many of the cheapest ones are an overnight flight, so I would arrive in Newark, NJ on Saturday at like 5:55 am. But, I don't know yet if that is the one I am going to take. I will go to church with you, I don't mind, I have been to a couple of Catholic masses, and although I am not 100% comfortable with them, I owe it to myself as well as God. About the facials and the spa, girl I already had that in my plan, and you having the gift certficate makes it that much better! If you don't mind me prying how much is the gift certificate for? I am wondering so I can start looking at packages and figure out which one we could do. Also, I am willing to go to school and pt with you! I think it would be a blast. The closer the days draw, the more excited I get. But also, a part of me is very anxious. One because of the flight, man that really scares me, and two because I am going to be gone from the kids for so long. The longest I have ever been away is 3 days. But, they are going to be ok. Jeff is going to be ok. My doc said that I could take up to .5 of the Alprazolam so I at least have that in my hand, she said that I should start off with 1 and if that doesn't do it, then I can take 2. I asked her at what point I would be loopy and not able to function and she said that anything past 2. She actually said that I could take up to 1mg if I just wanted to be knocked out for about 24 hours! We had a good laugh about that!
So, this weekend did not turn out the way I wanted at all. I THOUGHT the babysitter took care of her lice problem that she had, and I was wrong. Jeff was washing Jadon's hair before we were going to take him in for a hair cut and Jadon started itching really bad and crying that his head was itchy, and so Jeff looked and voila, there all them nasty little boogers were. So, Jeff dropped what he was doing, ran to Wal-Mart and got all the stuff we needed to treat them and the furniture. That is what I spent a good portion of the night doing is cleaning their beds and spraying them down with the lice furniture spray. I don't know how much the babysitter has gotten clean in her house, but I am afraid that we are going to be caught in a revolving door because she doesn't get all of the eggs and stuff. I know that my house is taken care of. The only place left for me to spray is Autumn's mattress. Other than that everything was cleaned. Other than that we did really well on the school shopping. We got all three kids their school supplies for like $95. The only thing I have to do tomorrow before work is go get them their shoes. Then I believe that with my check we will get their clothes out of layaway.
Okay girlie, here is my schedule for the rest of the week....
Tuesday: 2-midnight
Wednesday-Off
Thursday-Off
Friday- 8-5
Saturday 6a-8p
So as you can see the only real time we would be able to get to talk is Wednesday or Thursday, so I am hoping your afternoon schedules are clear! If none the less we can "talk" here.
I love ya girlie!
Jenn
First sorry I didn't get on here last night, I was really busy with getting things settled and washing clothes and stuff like that. I also did not get to watch True Blood like I wanted. I ended up going to bed just after 9 so I could get up and work today.
I am glad that you are doing better with your choices of food during the day and am estatic that you are not snacking at night. I think that is going to help you a lot. I have been doing great! I only eat 1/2 of all my servings and I drink like 60 plus ounces of water a day. I got on the scale this morning and down to 214 I was. So I think that this is working. I don't really care for the side effects of the pills, like dry mouth and a little more rapid heartbeat than I am used to, but I will deal with it until I can get these 30 pounds off. The only thing that I am not doing and am supposed to be is working out. To be honest I am scared because my heartrate is already elevated, I am afraid of pushing too hard.
I am sorry that you ran into John's niece and that it made you feel like you did. But, trust me, I get the same feelings. I understand completely that you are dedicated to your kids, as am I, and that you would like to go and have a day out, and you deserve it. Gab and Darren have you ALL the time, and in the midst of being a mother, I think you have lost a piece of yourself. Once a month you should gather up the girls and go do something. Maybe a movie and coffee, or facials and lunch. Gab has to get used to mom having just one or two days for herself. Crys, trust me, when I was 14 and my mom started going out again, I was so angry and I would throw all sorts of fits and would tell her I hated her because for all those years my mom never went anywhere or did anything, I was always with her, and I don't want you to go through that. The kids need to understand that as much as you are their mom you are also an individual who needs that alone time. Besides, it would allow them to be independant of mom and teach them what capable individuals they are.
I too am conflicted because I am so excited to come see you, only 19 days, yet I stood by the car on Saturday night when Jeff dropped me off at my moms and took the baby with him so I could have a night of solid sleep, and I felt so sad, I felt like I was abandoning him. So, can you imagine what I am going to be like when I'm with you! You're going to definitely meet the basketcase! I know there is an option to bring him, but I really don't think that would be such a good idea. I just don't think that I could handle the stroller, the carseat, and him with layovers, not to mention that wouldn't be fair for him to be in the carseat like 8 hours. So, I am going to have to conquer my guilt and anxiety and just do it. Jeff and I have decided that we would Skype while I am there so he could see me and I can see him.
You know, the whole thing with your neighbor, that is just crap. She complains about the kids respecting her area and acting like they do, but yet she lets her tomato plants grow wild all over the place. And I was think that maybe she picked the green tomatoes because she likes "Fried Green Tomatoes". I hope that you were able to get the sandbox as well as set up the slide! I think that Gab will have a blast. Just be careful, and I probably don't have to tell you this, but sandboxes tend to get round and ring worms.
I am debating which flight I am going to take, but many of the cheapest ones are an overnight flight, so I would arrive in Newark, NJ on Saturday at like 5:55 am. But, I don't know yet if that is the one I am going to take. I will go to church with you, I don't mind, I have been to a couple of Catholic masses, and although I am not 100% comfortable with them, I owe it to myself as well as God. About the facials and the spa, girl I already had that in my plan, and you having the gift certficate makes it that much better! If you don't mind me prying how much is the gift certificate for? I am wondering so I can start looking at packages and figure out which one we could do. Also, I am willing to go to school and pt with you! I think it would be a blast. The closer the days draw, the more excited I get. But also, a part of me is very anxious. One because of the flight, man that really scares me, and two because I am going to be gone from the kids for so long. The longest I have ever been away is 3 days. But, they are going to be ok. Jeff is going to be ok. My doc said that I could take up to .5 of the Alprazolam so I at least have that in my hand, she said that I should start off with 1 and if that doesn't do it, then I can take 2. I asked her at what point I would be loopy and not able to function and she said that anything past 2. She actually said that I could take up to 1mg if I just wanted to be knocked out for about 24 hours! We had a good laugh about that!
So, this weekend did not turn out the way I wanted at all. I THOUGHT the babysitter took care of her lice problem that she had, and I was wrong. Jeff was washing Jadon's hair before we were going to take him in for a hair cut and Jadon started itching really bad and crying that his head was itchy, and so Jeff looked and voila, there all them nasty little boogers were. So, Jeff dropped what he was doing, ran to Wal-Mart and got all the stuff we needed to treat them and the furniture. That is what I spent a good portion of the night doing is cleaning their beds and spraying them down with the lice furniture spray. I don't know how much the babysitter has gotten clean in her house, but I am afraid that we are going to be caught in a revolving door because she doesn't get all of the eggs and stuff. I know that my house is taken care of. The only place left for me to spray is Autumn's mattress. Other than that everything was cleaned. Other than that we did really well on the school shopping. We got all three kids their school supplies for like $95. The only thing I have to do tomorrow before work is go get them their shoes. Then I believe that with my check we will get their clothes out of layaway.
Okay girlie, here is my schedule for the rest of the week....
Tuesday: 2-midnight
Wednesday-Off
Thursday-Off
Friday- 8-5
Saturday 6a-8p
So as you can see the only real time we would be able to get to talk is Wednesday or Thursday, so I am hoping your afternoon schedules are clear! If none the less we can "talk" here.
I love ya girlie!
Jenn
Sunday, August 9, 2009
hey,
I just got gab to sleep and now I have a minute to myself. I am beat. last night was the party that I had to go to and it was a long day. This morning has felt long as ever two. I have not one to church for two weeks for one reason or another and it makes me feel bad. Guilty! i have to get there! I hope maybe when you get here that you will go to church with me the sunday you are here. It is not all that bad and I would love for you to come!
Anyway this afternoon I am going to make my second craigslist purchase I think if all goes well! There is a sandbox online in my town for 15 dollars and it sells for 60 new. It is the step two froggy one and I want to get it for gab to have in the back yard. There are not alot of things back there for her but I think that having the sandbox would be a start. There is also a slide at my job that connie told me that I can use. It is sitting in the closet collecting dust. So I will be going to get that two. I hope the woman that lives next store hates it and hates it alot she is so miseralbe. I am to lazy to fix that! Anyway you want to know the kicker? She planted these tomatos on my side and then she does not even know what she is doing with them. She does take care of them didnt stake them so they are a big mess and for goodness sake yesterday she picked a bunch of them while they were hard and green. My goodness why did she put it there then if she wasnt going to do it right the more and more I think about it I think it was just to be a nasty neighbor! ARG.
I could have done so much better but she took over my yard!
Anyways,
Today has been okay with eating as in I have only ate one meal yet and it wasnt a bad one. the one thing I can tell you that I AM doing for sure is that I am not sncking at night. Dinner is it. Then no more unless it is a piece of fruit or something like that. I have a gift certifcate to by the sea we should go while you are here! We can get massages and facials together and have a girls spa day! I can use the gift card so that it takes some of the cost off of it and then it will be a little less for us to get it all done! i am excited just thinking about it! I saw johns niece today at Dunkin dounuts she was on her way to the indoor water park with her brother and her friends and it made me so sad. Because I remember what it was like to plan a day out with friends and then go and I never get to do that anymore. My fun is always watching my kids have fun and that is fine it is part of being a mother but what is part of being a human is having fun on your own and I dont get that any more and it made me sad.
Whatever. I will have fun when your here. thats it for now. I will tell you about my buying a sandbox adventure later. hopefully it goes well.
Talk to you.
Crystal
I just got gab to sleep and now I have a minute to myself. I am beat. last night was the party that I had to go to and it was a long day. This morning has felt long as ever two. I have not one to church for two weeks for one reason or another and it makes me feel bad. Guilty! i have to get there! I hope maybe when you get here that you will go to church with me the sunday you are here. It is not all that bad and I would love for you to come!
Anyway this afternoon I am going to make my second craigslist purchase I think if all goes well! There is a sandbox online in my town for 15 dollars and it sells for 60 new. It is the step two froggy one and I want to get it for gab to have in the back yard. There are not alot of things back there for her but I think that having the sandbox would be a start. There is also a slide at my job that connie told me that I can use. It is sitting in the closet collecting dust. So I will be going to get that two. I hope the woman that lives next store hates it and hates it alot she is so miseralbe. I am to lazy to fix that! Anyway you want to know the kicker? She planted these tomatos on my side and then she does not even know what she is doing with them. She does take care of them didnt stake them so they are a big mess and for goodness sake yesterday she picked a bunch of them while they were hard and green. My goodness why did she put it there then if she wasnt going to do it right the more and more I think about it I think it was just to be a nasty neighbor! ARG.
I could have done so much better but she took over my yard!
Anyways,
Today has been okay with eating as in I have only ate one meal yet and it wasnt a bad one. the one thing I can tell you that I AM doing for sure is that I am not sncking at night. Dinner is it. Then no more unless it is a piece of fruit or something like that. I have a gift certifcate to by the sea we should go while you are here! We can get massages and facials together and have a girls spa day! I can use the gift card so that it takes some of the cost off of it and then it will be a little less for us to get it all done! i am excited just thinking about it! I saw johns niece today at Dunkin dounuts she was on her way to the indoor water park with her brother and her friends and it made me so sad. Because I remember what it was like to plan a day out with friends and then go and I never get to do that anymore. My fun is always watching my kids have fun and that is fine it is part of being a mother but what is part of being a human is having fun on your own and I dont get that any more and it made me sad.
Whatever. I will have fun when your here. thats it for now. I will tell you about my buying a sandbox adventure later. hopefully it goes well.
Talk to you.
Crystal
Friday, August 7, 2009
Hi!
hi you thanks for the warm welcome back and sorry that I did not post last night! I ate okay yesterday and so far today has been okay...
I ate two waffles and sausage and for lunch I had a salad at mcdonalds with my gram and fifty million kids!
Well anyway I am just taking a few minutes to relax seeing that gab is sleeping. I will talk to you after. Love ya!
Crystal
I ate two waffles and sausage and for lunch I had a salad at mcdonalds with my gram and fifty million kids!
Well anyway I am just taking a few minutes to relax seeing that gab is sleeping. I will talk to you after. Love ya!
Crystal
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Welcome back!
Crys,
I am estatic to have you back! Yipee! Girl I think that if you can get back into the swing of things you will do better with eating and getting moving. I know it sucks, but you have to! I will never look down upon you for eating badly, you know what I ate yesterday? Here it is:
B-It was ok but dont remember
L-KFC bowl
D-Sandwich from Dominos and 3 count them 3 pieces of cinnastix
Today has gone better:
B- 1/4 of a cereal bar...trust me not by choice a portion of it fell on the floor
L-Tuna Salad
D-Pretzels with PB
I am hungry right now, but I don't have anything to eat with me and I don't have anyone to go get me something either, so I am stuck like this, but I think that it will be good for my body to not have to try and digest a lot of food, I've noticed lately I've had a lot of digestive issues...TMI so I won't get into it.
I am really sorry that you feel like your bubble is burst, maybe it can fill back up and expand to be better than ever...that is if that is what you want. I know that you are hurting, and I wish I could take the pain away. It must suck to think that you are finally getting what you wanted, and that the one thing you have been waiting for...for him to make a move towards the better, is finally happening, for the rug to just be pulled out from under your feet. BUT, keep your head up, you are strong, and you will find a way out of this.
As I told you earlier I did get to the gym today....2 miles, 32 minutes, and 250 calories. Not bad, but I wish it was better. When I was going all the time a couple of weeks ago I had gotten to the point where I could jog on the treadmill for 8-10 minutes, today I did a whopping...drum roll please...3 minutes. oooohhhh....what crap. The upside is that I did 3 or 4 sets of 3 minutes, so it will come in time....I just have to work at it.
My weight hit again....to 218...that's right up 2.5 lbs. But again, why should I have lost anything, I didn't eat very well and I stopped moving. So we will make a pact together...8lbs by the 29th...that gives us 24 days. I will incorporate more fruits and veggies into my diet, if you can cut 1/3 of your carb intake....AND...stop snacking at night....difficult requests but not impossible. You have done it before you can do it again...I know you can, I know WE can.
Alright girlie, I have to get back to the mountain of paperwork that is sitting to my left right now, but I promise we will talk sometime. I know you told me today what days are bad and full for you and I forgot...I'M SORRY. But I think you said it was tomorrow and then Monday. So, if I don't get to talk to you tomorrow, we can talk over the weekend, I will be in El Paso, BUT I will have my phone.
Love ya,
Jenn
P.S. LET'S DO THIS!!!!!
I am estatic to have you back! Yipee! Girl I think that if you can get back into the swing of things you will do better with eating and getting moving. I know it sucks, but you have to! I will never look down upon you for eating badly, you know what I ate yesterday? Here it is:
B-It was ok but dont remember
L-KFC bowl
D-Sandwich from Dominos and 3 count them 3 pieces of cinnastix
Today has gone better:
B- 1/4 of a cereal bar...trust me not by choice a portion of it fell on the floor
L-Tuna Salad
D-Pretzels with PB
I am hungry right now, but I don't have anything to eat with me and I don't have anyone to go get me something either, so I am stuck like this, but I think that it will be good for my body to not have to try and digest a lot of food, I've noticed lately I've had a lot of digestive issues...TMI so I won't get into it.
I am really sorry that you feel like your bubble is burst, maybe it can fill back up and expand to be better than ever...that is if that is what you want. I know that you are hurting, and I wish I could take the pain away. It must suck to think that you are finally getting what you wanted, and that the one thing you have been waiting for...for him to make a move towards the better, is finally happening, for the rug to just be pulled out from under your feet. BUT, keep your head up, you are strong, and you will find a way out of this.
As I told you earlier I did get to the gym today....2 miles, 32 minutes, and 250 calories. Not bad, but I wish it was better. When I was going all the time a couple of weeks ago I had gotten to the point where I could jog on the treadmill for 8-10 minutes, today I did a whopping...drum roll please...3 minutes. oooohhhh....what crap. The upside is that I did 3 or 4 sets of 3 minutes, so it will come in time....I just have to work at it.
My weight hit again....to 218...that's right up 2.5 lbs. But again, why should I have lost anything, I didn't eat very well and I stopped moving. So we will make a pact together...8lbs by the 29th...that gives us 24 days. I will incorporate more fruits and veggies into my diet, if you can cut 1/3 of your carb intake....AND...stop snacking at night....difficult requests but not impossible. You have done it before you can do it again...I know you can, I know WE can.
Alright girlie, I have to get back to the mountain of paperwork that is sitting to my left right now, but I promise we will talk sometime. I know you told me today what days are bad and full for you and I forgot...I'M SORRY. But I think you said it was tomorrow and then Monday. So, if I don't get to talk to you tomorrow, we can talk over the weekend, I will be in El Paso, BUT I will have my phone.
Love ya,
Jenn
P.S. LET'S DO THIS!!!!!
back from the dead
I am here.
I know.
shame on me.
But here we go. I started thinking about the fact that they say that when you are depressed you pull away from the things that you love and enjoy and that when that happens sometimes it is that you have to fight yourself and do those things that you dont want to do so that you can get back into a routine of doing it and then there for do it! And be less depressed. I think that is what is going on with me because the truth is that my bubble is popped and I know that this dream that I was in is over and now I need to figure out what the hell to do about it.
I am watching so you think you can dance and I like this show. The other day I was telling Donna that I was going to put gab in Dancing school and she said that it was a waste of money. I was so sad to hear that is what she thinks. But oh well it is not for her to decide anyway. I think that it is good for little girls to develop a talent and I was in it when I was little but dropped out but I wish all the time that my mother left me in them and forced me to go and then I would probally be thin! HA!
I am so glad that you are here for me and I am sorry that I havent been but I am going to try my best to get my ass in gear! SO Honestly I will tell you about today and I am going to start telling you the truth again about what I eat and what I weigh.
COngrats by the way about your loss again! I am so glad that you are back at that weight! have you seen the show more to lovve? Well I was looking at the girls, the lightest girl is like 230 ish and she is your height and she is not all that much to love and you are smaller! Girl I think you are hard on your self! You are so much more determined then me with the gym and all. I find no time to exercise and eat like shit to be honest. I dont know what happened to me. I by the way weight just over 160. I hate that I am there again. I also hate that I have not lost a pound since MARCH. But why would I lose? I dont try! SO I have to. I am going to set a goal to lose ummmmm 8 pounds before you get here! That is about 3 ish pounds a week for the next three weeks. We will see but maybe that will help jump start me again!
Anyway.
I ate......SIGH>>>
B egg white flatbread w coffee'
L mac and cheese and grapes
D baked breaded chicken and a red potato and corn
S rice pudding
S a slice of turkey and cheese
S few teddy grahams
As you can see I did okay in the day time but I fell apart at night. I am telling you jenn it is depression. Whatever.
Okay girl....It is a start!
I love ya and I am reading this again so POST. ANd thanks for the push to start again.
Crystal
I know.
shame on me.
But here we go. I started thinking about the fact that they say that when you are depressed you pull away from the things that you love and enjoy and that when that happens sometimes it is that you have to fight yourself and do those things that you dont want to do so that you can get back into a routine of doing it and then there for do it! And be less depressed. I think that is what is going on with me because the truth is that my bubble is popped and I know that this dream that I was in is over and now I need to figure out what the hell to do about it.
I am watching so you think you can dance and I like this show. The other day I was telling Donna that I was going to put gab in Dancing school and she said that it was a waste of money. I was so sad to hear that is what she thinks. But oh well it is not for her to decide anyway. I think that it is good for little girls to develop a talent and I was in it when I was little but dropped out but I wish all the time that my mother left me in them and forced me to go and then I would probally be thin! HA!
I am so glad that you are here for me and I am sorry that I havent been but I am going to try my best to get my ass in gear! SO Honestly I will tell you about today and I am going to start telling you the truth again about what I eat and what I weigh.
COngrats by the way about your loss again! I am so glad that you are back at that weight! have you seen the show more to lovve? Well I was looking at the girls, the lightest girl is like 230 ish and she is your height and she is not all that much to love and you are smaller! Girl I think you are hard on your self! You are so much more determined then me with the gym and all. I find no time to exercise and eat like shit to be honest. I dont know what happened to me. I by the way weight just over 160. I hate that I am there again. I also hate that I have not lost a pound since MARCH. But why would I lose? I dont try! SO I have to. I am going to set a goal to lose ummmmm 8 pounds before you get here! That is about 3 ish pounds a week for the next three weeks. We will see but maybe that will help jump start me again!
Anyway.
I ate......SIGH>>>
B egg white flatbread w coffee'
L mac and cheese and grapes
D baked breaded chicken and a red potato and corn
S rice pudding
S a slice of turkey and cheese
S few teddy grahams
As you can see I did okay in the day time but I fell apart at night. I am telling you jenn it is depression. Whatever.
Okay girl....It is a start!
I love ya and I am reading this again so POST. ANd thanks for the push to start again.
Crystal
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