Jenn,
Be sure to scoll down because this is the secon post that I have posted for today. I am angry at myself and I will tell you why. Because just for the hell of it I went into Feb and April and read some of our old posts and you know I was saying that I was unhappy then and then there was the fact that I weighed like 2 pounds more than I weigh now. What the hell. Oh and the thing is that I know that I have been so unhappy in this relationship for way longer then I have blogged about it. I have a journal from before I was pregnant with Gab and I was fed up then. I hate myself for putting me and D through all these years and now Gab. I am telling you I want out.If my biological father did come into some moneyI would love for him to send me a check. I would be out the door. I told John that last night and I dont care if it sounds heart less but I told him that I am only here because I do not have the money to leave and that I am not in love with him anymore. And that as soon as I should get the money then I am going. I asked him to leave again and he is saying this time that is going to go and his nephew came here when he was in the middle of looking for apartments on the computer at the table. Lets not embarass ourselfs he said the minute that his nephew was walking in. I mean the sec. and then when his nephew came in he sat down to eat his lunch that he had with him and he saw that John was writing down apartments and they were one bedroom and then his nephew said oh my god he is looking for one bedrooms in a ball breaking way and I said yeah John he is your uncle treats me like shit and he does not love me anymore. Well then it continued from there and he started calling hotels to get away from me for now and for the weekend, all this is front of Ljohn by the way and then he is saying crap to him about oh his rent would be blah blah and he will pay me 400 in child support a month and blah blah,. Then he was saying shit to me and I flipped out about not being able to watch my show and during my rant and rave I said about gab you never watch this fucking kid something like that but I felt bad and said sorry later because I said something about gab with the word fucking in it. So I felt really bad for that and then he was throwing that in myface and I said to him. Your nephew can say whatever to you and he can sit on the couch with a smirk but he sees it John just like everyone esle. You treat me like shit and you do not help me the way that you should with this child and then later on when I was leaving I was in the kitchen and John was in the living room and When LJohn walked by me to leave he patted me on the back like Hang in there and I know you are suffering........I almost lost it. LOST IT> This is his best friend acknowlegding the crap that he is putting me through and I almost lost it.
K I am talking to you know so I have to go.
C
