I really thought that I posted last night. Weird. I must of been oh yeah I was wrapped up with John being an asshole and did not get to post. Last night was horrible. He was in the worse mood and I of course being this punching bag that I am was the one to get the worst of it all. I am really just blah. I cant take it anymore we are right back where we started before he gave me the ring only worse because now I know there is no hope. there is nothing that will bring my feelings back and nothing that can help him be who I need him to be to me. I need to get out and I know that I have been saying this for the longest time but all I can say is that I am closer each day. When he moves out of here which he claims that he is looking at two apartments tommorrow we will see about that but when he moves out I will be fine. I can do it. It will be really hard and I will have to cut costs but if he does what he should am gives me the money that he should then I will be ok. Again we will see.
But that is neither here or there.
i weighed 156 today. The best weight in the longest time. But like I said I am Off the pill this week and it is the pill that if I were to swollow it tommorrow I would put on two pounds overnight for sure. That is sooooo agrevating. More so since I dont need the pill. But take it for fear of what would happen if. But you know what I think I might stop it all together once this bum moves out. I am not going to be doing anything with anyone for a long time so. WHat the hell am I taking them for? Again assuming that not a soul reads our What has turned into a diary that we write in. ARG.
Okay girl. My house phone is here call me when you can, I am here.
C
