up up up. I gained.

hey. So this week at weight watchers I gained back .6 so basically I have lost less than a pound. That drives me nuts but I fell off track and I knew that it was happening. See I had a girl that I knew from work join with me last week and I had already been a week in and I was doing okay. But the girl that I brought was so not into it and quit the very next day before she even gave it a shot saying it was to hard and too annoying etc and that she went to the dr and the dr said that she has asthma so now she cant be bothered with doing weight watchers. Makes no sense right? Arg. Anyway so I am in it alone. And I dont go on and on about it but John and I are at the worse that we have ever been no lie but I really am at the point where I do not care and I am just waiting to be able to move out or for him to move out. It is deff. over. There is nothing left at all but maybe every once in a while a little glimmer of something but it is a second a fleeting second and then it is gone. We have barely spoken for two months and when we do it is about the kids and that is it. He tries to get me to give in but I am not. I am not trying anymore. I gave my ring back about a month ago and have no asked for it back once. Surprise! Well, I didnt say anything because I hate looking like a jack ass when I cry to you etc and then just go back. but this time is different there are no more tears. Those days are long gone and so it is not something that I want to waste to much time telling you about you know. But I go on this blog and look at some of the things that I said to you about him and I so long ago and it makes me nuts to think that I waited this long to get to this point. Where I dont give a fuck but I am here no. And honestly in lots of ways life is easier. I dont worry about the lies etc. I just cut him right off when he starts explaining something and say point blank I believe nothing you tell me so I would rather not hear your bullshit. Or I dont answer the phone in the first place. WEll, with all this going on life is tough in some other ways. It is tough because I am trying to balance everything and not ask him for anything. I mean I take time for myself now but alot of that revolves around school. And you know as much as we like school it is not a break not really it is tough. I would say that a few of my classes are break like but I do not feel like all the work is fun. No. A few pieces are. Like this blog we have to go on and talk back and forth with the class etc. that I like. I have a professor I have some type of weird crush. Wierd because he is an old guy. I like old guys lol. But he is just so smart and fun to listen to and complex and wow. And single to Ha! But no I am telling you I am ready to be single. For a long time, I dont even want to date. Not a single drive for a man. I want to work on mememememe. And then maybe some day. That does not mean that I am dead and dont think it might be nice to have someone to cuddle with or whatever I just havent even gotten that far in my head. You know I am so focused on getting out of the rut that I am in it is hard to think about what it might be like to move on. What esle? I think that is about it for now. Gab went potty like 10 times in the last few days so I am happy with that. She is still not offically trained and will have accidents if I leave her in undies. SO I am going to take some time off next week and see if I can help get her over this edge. But it is coming there is a light at the end of the tunnel finally and that is really all that I can ask for. All the sudden darren likes to watch wrestling. I think it is so funny. Omg Gab just cam out from under her blankets and she is naked. I forgot to dress her after her bath. I am so air headed. Love you miss you....