Hey

Hey lady, I haven't been ignoring your posts, I have been reading them, but just like you I am so inundated with everything that I just haven't found time to respond yet. But here I am. First, way to go Gab. I'm telling you Crys it is all down hill from here. She is going to do it on her own. This is the exact same way Caleb did it! So, you can start counting down to no more diapers! WOO HOO! Second, I am so glad to hear that you are being successful on your diet. That is amazing. Just keep it up girlie and you will lose 25 lbs. You watch. I know it is hard to fit everything into your schedule, but you have to try and fit a little bit of activity into your schedule. Things will get better over the summer! I know how hard it is to do everything by yourself and I really wish that John would pick some slack up from you. It is not fair the burden and load you carry on your shoulders. Trust me I was doing the same thing up until a couple of nights ago when I had finally had it with Jeff and told him he needed to man up and be the father and husband that we needed him to be. It wasn't a fight, but I just laid out the truth and he sat there and listened! He didn't yell back or anything and actually thanked me the next morning for telling him so. Ever since then he has been an immense help around the house. Even still though, I am home with the baby all day long and all he does is make a mess. He is in a new stage I guess where he has to be into everything making messes and so on, but I will get into that a little bit later in the post. You need to start looking at things and try to prioritize if you can. I know that everything is important but is it really going to be that bad if dishes are done right away (other than John losing his mind which causes undue stress on you)? Is it so bad if Gab doesn't get a bath one night? Nope, it's not. You need to be sure that you are taking time for you Crys. So, moving on. I really am at a loss with Caleb. He is in this new stage and I don't know how to handle it for the life of me. Nothing seems to help. He is so defiant. I tell him to pick up something, like a colored pencil, and he tells me know and promptly follows by telling me that he is going to throw it. You would think it is just a threat but nope, he actually does throw it. I'd gotten to the point where I was spanking him for it thinking it would make him realize, but all it did was make him more defiant. So, starting today I went back to doing it the way I was and he doesn't seem to be so bad. He is constantly telling me what to do. For instance, he wanted yogurt this morning, so I gave him 2 GoGurts. About 20 minutes later he came back asking for another one and I told him no that it would make him sick and to go put it back in the fridge. He told me: "Will you just open it mama? Open it, I want yogurt." I told him no anyways. He got mad, but I didn't give into him. He is really confusing and demanding at the same time. Let me pick your brain for a minute because Jeff and I are lost as to handle/explain this to him. He loves chocolate milk, I mean loves it. He can drink it 2-3 times or more a day if I'd let him. Well he tells he wants chocolate milk with no milk. We've told him a hundred times that the milk is the base of the chocolate milk. He doesn't get it. This morning he told me again that he wanted chocolate milk but no milk and to put the milk back. He's uber smart though. He knows his left from his right (foot that is.) And he is starting to get his clothes on and off by himself including his shoes. The other day I was busy and he wanted shoes on and I told him to go get them and he put them on the right feet! I'm sure it was by pure accident, but I applauded him anyways. He of course knows all of his colors. He has such a personality on him. I am going to have to record him at times and send it to you somehow because sometimes he is just too funny. He is really loving too. When he sees Jeff having a hard time, like crying because of his dad, Caleb will ask him "What's wrong daddy, why are you crying?" He will ask me what's wrong if I am upset about something and am more agitated than usual. He picks up on that type of stuff. But on the other hand is uber stubborn too. He will not do anything hardly that he is told. I am willing to take responsibility for that though because instead of fighting with him to do it, I just do it for him. OH! And he is a freaking broken record at times! He can say he wants something like ice cream 1000 times if you tell him no. Somedays he will stop after about 5-6 minutes and then other days he will scream about wanting ice cream for 20 mintes. No lie. Talk about having to have nerves of steal in order to get through those minutes. It is all because he is so darn spoiled and now that I am trying to break him of that he just has such an issue with it. Some days I would be willing to diagnose him with Oppositional Defiance Disorder! Let me tell you he is something else. Like right now, he is in the kitchen playing with the dishwasher rather than laying down like I have told him to 15 times. He just will not do it. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like such a failure as a parent. I can't handle all the differences in the kids. One would never think that all my kids could be so different and all need to be raised and disciplined in different ways. It is way too much. Talking about too much I don't know how to handle everything in my life any more. We are financially in a mess because about a month ago I made a $1000 mistake in the checkbook and we haven't recovered from it yet. We are constantly in over draft by hundreds of dollars; like 6-700 dollars every 2 weeks. I am so tired of being home alone and having no adult interaction, and just being stuck in the house all the time. I only have very rare opportunitites right now to get out of the house because it is either too hot or too windy. Add into that the fact that my school is very difficult. I take a couple of hours sometimes to finish just one assignment. It is all philosophically based right now and hard to read. I'm doing ok in the class it's just hard. Then you add in the fact of the house and the laundry. The fact that my children come home from school and throw their backpacks everywhere, their shoes and socks. I tell them everyday to put the stuff in the room right away but it hasn't sunk in now for them to do it on their own. They do the same thing with food. They drop it and won't pick it up. So, I am left with the mess. Now, finally add into it the fact that I have to work my home business at least 8 hours a day to try and get anywhere and I have very little time to clean. So, right now my house looks like a tornado went through it. Something always suffers, always. Crys, I know that I am whining and complaining but I am so exhausted all the time. Going back to a conventional job is not even an option because of the cost of daycare and gas. I know you guys are probably higher in gas than us, but we cannot afford $3.65 to $3.85 a gallon in the truck. It takes $70+ dollars to fill it up each time. I miss you so much. I wish that I was closer to you. FYI, I broke my phone. I got the new one today but now I can't find the old one to get the SIM card out of it so I can put it in to get my new phone working. So, if you are trying to text me and stuff I am not getting them right now. Well, I guess I have complained enough. I am fighting a massive migraine right now and need to get back to school work. I wish you could come see me this summer. I think we could have some great times going to El Paso, the Carlsbad National Caverns and White Sands and stuff like that. But, I know you can't, so I will continue to dream. Take care and look forward to reading your post soon. Love you.