Sorry I'm just now getting on here. One way I kind of have been avoiding it for personal emotional reasons yet the other way, I really miss being on here and seeing your posts.
First and foremost, CONGRATULATIONS on your promotion at work! It was a long time coming and you deserve it! I'm so proud of you!
I know both of your posts had inferences to your weight and I know how frustrating and difficult it can be. For you it is even more difficult because you are on the go all day long. But you're right about one thing, you can buy an insulted lunchbox that has a frozen gel pad you can put in it and you can pack your lunch. It will be better for you in the long run. Will it not only save you money but it will save you 1000's of empty calories a month! You will do it, you've done it before. I know your schedule is crazy, but I have been told to take my planner and pencil in an hour of exercise for me a day and that way it is just like keeping an appointment. I don't know how heavy your case load is right now, but even 30 minutes a day would be better than nothing.
I think it's great that you're doing so much with the kids. They will appreciate it later in life. You're doing an amazing job as a what could be called "single mother." I know John is there and helps sometimes but you are still the main caregiver. The swim thing is amazing. I love being in the water. Unfortunately here we don't have any public pools that you can get season passes to. We have the natatorium at the High School Gym, but there are always so many people there and even if I could get there early, the police officers go work out there at that time, and there is no way I am going to go try and swim when there are a bunch of men around. But you are doing a great job and even holding wiggly Gabbie in the water is still helping you burn some calories.
I really miss talking to you too. You're right it has everything to do with us being so busy, not to mention the time difference. Trust me there are days where I could really use a shoulder to cry on, a pair of ears to vent to, or just a hug from my best friend, but maybe one day that will happen. Grad school is alot, I'm not going to lie. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I think it is because my undergrad degree was in Criminal Justice not Psychology so what I am learning now is a foreign language. I know you would love to have me get my degree and move up there, but to be honest, I don't know if I am going to be smart enough to take the national exam to be a BCBA. It is one of the most difficult tests out there, I've been told above and beyond the bar exam for lawyers. I'm not going to lie, I would love to work along side you. I think we would make a great team.
You do need to get your computer fixed before school! Then maybe you can find 10 or 15 minutes to get on here and spout off a few little blurbs when you can. I think this is one of our biggest communication mediums. You will be fine doing your interning and your degree, it's going to be a bear, but you are going to do it. I understand 100% about missing the kids and being so busy. Trust me.
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Okay, so moving onto some of my updates:
- Jeff's car broke down yesterday: I think we threw a rod.
- As usual we are struggling to pay the bills
- Caleb smashed his thumb in the screen door so it's all black
- Codey pushed down a girl at the Boys & Girls club causing a contusion on her temple
- I still don't know when I will start at the Carlsbad Police Department.
- And to put the whip cream on the ice cream, I just looked at Kayleigh's old blog and it made me feel so sad.
- I don't know if we are going to have the money to pay for school supplies and clothes/shoes for the kids.
So, there it is in a nutshell.
I think Jeff's car is going to be at least $1500 to fix and there is no way in hell that we have that type of money. The positives out of this are that a.) I don't have to drive an obscene amount of miles to work b.) Jeff and I can figure out a way to share the truck c.) if and when I can get started at CPD then I will be making $21.49 an hour. Someone was telling me though that we pay 50% of our PERA (retirement) dues whereas when I was with the county I only paid 10%. So, I don't know how much money I will be seeing, but I am hoping that it will be at least $1400-1500 every 2 weeks.
Oh, there's more! My mom is getting married August 7th and Jeff has to leave town right afterward to go to San Antonio, TX for a nuclear conference. If I am working at CPD by that time, I am probably going to be on night shift and have to take the kids to El Paso on the 7th and my mom will be bringing them back on the 10th so they can start school on the 11th. Which is when Jeff will back.
I'm doing alright in school, my quiz grades have been anywhere from a 70 to a 90. I am looking forward to the next set of classes that I am due to start in August sometime. But to be honest, I don't know if this is what I really want to do or not. I have NEVER known what I want to do with my life. I enjoy reading and learning about all of this, but I really don't think that I am going to be smart enough to finish and take the national cert so I can actually do something with my degree.
The kids are doing ok. Codey is Codey. Jadon is trying new things as he moves along the ages and Autumn is doing well. She's pushing the boundaries in regard to her boyfriend and stuff, but I think she's doing the right things. Caleb is a whole other story. He plays as if he were Batman/Superman/Bain/Hulk probably 65% of his day. There is a portion of his day where he constantly wants someone to sit with him and play with his action figures, which I do, but after about 45 minutes, I get tired of it. I know bad mommy. Then there are the times where he demands certain things, or cries at every breath I take. He is super clingy at night, no doubt because I have been working.
I too am struggling with my weight. I am back up to 210 where I had been down to 205. I am currently talking to my therapist about this and my self image. Speaking of which, therapy is helping a little bit, I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders when I get to go.
I have been taking Effexor XR 75 mg for about a month now and I don't know if it is helping or not. I am beginning to think that a.) I am bi-polar and need other meds or b.) I am meant to be perpetually sad and disconnected.
Alright girlie, I am done. Sorry for the heaviness of the post, I wish it was lighter in nature. I'm sure you don't want to read the blah of my posts.
I will make the next one lighter.
Love you lots,
Jenn
