WEll.
We are still in a state of nothing.
Days are passing and we almost going into weeks here and nothing has changed. The thing that I keep thinking is that if britt is going to say keep her alive do what you need to do...then that is her choice but WHY not then speak up and say lets start therapy and whatnot. Do not just sit there with everything like hanging by a thread but who am I to say. I am just the sister in law and I have had the whole let's do what is best for Donna talk and then I pulled out. I cannot look like someone who is encouraging death over life. I of course would prefer her to live but what is living.... certaintly not lying in a bed.
Let me try to update you on me so that we can talk about something other than the elephant sitting on my soul with his trunk wrapped tightly around my neck....
I am doing shitty with my diet. By some miracle I think that I havent really gained much. I am 155.0 this Am and that is up from the 153 whatever I was but whatever is the word. I basically took a week off and when I go back to the meeting tonight I am going to try to take with me a new found energy to get back on board with this thing.
I have to get to the gym as well which now is put on hold even more due to the elephant again.
I have to find a home daycare or mom with a kid gabs age that I really like. Which is going to be REALLLY hard but I need more options. Because it is going to get really hard to get to work everyday since Heather is starting up her regular job again soon and needs to be around alot less when that starts up. She works at a seasonal restaurant. My goodness my brain is on slow. It took me forever to spell some of the words that I just typed and god knows how many are wrong.
I have been taking Xanxax that is right world I AM ON DRUGS! But Jenn it is helping and I cant deal any other way so it is what it is.
My stupid ass nail broke this morning and I gotta get it fixed beforeI chew all the other ones off so that they will match.
My gram is making me lunch tommorrow. It will be cabbage.
Gab's Pt is coming tommorrow to consult with me and look at her arches in her feet to determine if her little feet still look flat. My poor girl. They look good to me. But I am just an ass.....lol... That is my apperivation in the computer for my position......lol.
Okay the other day in rite aid I saw something that made me laugh so hard.....
The singing fish that sings give me back that filet of fish give me that fish....So stinkn funny.
I got in a little tiff with my dad the other day because he never calls me and he told me that I NEVER CALL ANYONE....and that my gramma has been waiting to here from me for two weeks. lol. I talk to her every day I told you she is going crazy.
WEll FUCK everyone.
That is what I have to say.
FUCK THEM ALL.
If they do not want to call me then Fuck um.
I cant even be bothered one more day.
So...I guess you can say. i am doing better. Moving into the angry stage. The thing that makes no sense is that I am coming to terms with the death but there still hasnt been one. I think I am coming to terms ( not over it just passed denial and shock) with the loss but havent had to deal with the DEATH itself yet. Does that make any sense???
Done.
