I sware sometimes I just want to fucking run away and join the cirus. For me it never ends. I am never ever just me. NEVER! It drives me nutty.

Moving along....Sorry. It was just a rant because I feel like I never have adult time and I pretty much have to wait years in order to have it. I have already waited years and have a few more to wait. and to top it off the typing now is waking up gab. I sware ssometimes I cant deal. This is why I just give up and go to bed.

I think that it is fine that Caleb wont go potty. Gab wont either. I am going to take a week off near thanksgiving and try to train her that week. I am not going to even try again before then because like you said if we are not like the ones that are on top of it it will not happen. So I think that when you and caleb are both ready that it will just happen. I am sure that the older children were a little like Caleb, because I know it must of been somewhat of a challenge with Darren but like you I remember it to be so easy. One day he woke up trained and that was that! lol...

I also think that the pretend that you explained is great. And dont be to hard on your self. I know you have a llot of stuff to do and very little time. Just try to play with Caleb a little here and a little there. he has so many people in his life to keep him busy. He isnt just alone all the time! Dont be so hard on yourself!!!! Your a great moma!

With the money stuff i feel for you so much. I almost threw up reading it. I wish I could help you and believe me I would. It sucks that times are that bad and that the hospital did what they did to jeff. I only pray that god will somehow just give you a break and help you out of this whole. BEcause you deserve it! I hope that the layaway didnt get canceled. Maybe you can have them extend it a little???

It isnt very cold here yet girlie! the leaves are changing and all but it is not tooo cold. It is actually pretty nice! I cant wait to get you some pictures! I took some video of leaves today for you but they didnt come out to show the colors too much I was bummed.

Girl do you know I gained 16 pounds back?? I weigh between 168 and 170. Yeah nothing esle needs to be said about that. Throw up.

What esle???

Oh grad school for you....I want to see you get to do what you want....but do you need it? Is what you want to be when you grow up something you need to go back for? I love what I am doing and wont give up but I was thinking you know I could make it on what I earn...I dont NEED to go back but yet I NEED to go back for me! So is this something that you want for you? Or for your job? If it is for you then I support it all the way but if it is for s job then maybe you should think about it more. I kknow you are like me so I bet it is for you....

Glad to hear that Autumn is in sports now and that good things are happening for codey! How is Jaden?

Oh and the sleeping thing? Forget it. I sleep with gab every night. I gave up. I know some day it will change but for now I give up. I guess we both have monsters that way. They are a lot alike even though they live so far away must be a may thing.

I was in Hartford ALLL day today for training. Tomm to. It is good but long days and (to me) a long drive...

My friend Ash had her baby Grace and nicole my niece had her baby Olivia and my cousin lauren is pregnant due in May and kelly is having a girl. I DO NOT WANT A BABY. not even with all that around me. NOPE.

The other day I worked with my premie twins. Born at 25 weeks. Now about 3 months old corrected age zero. And the little girl threw up on her face down her nose and almost choked...and dad picked her up so roughly shoved the thing down her nose and suctioned her. I thought I was gonna die....they live in the projects....seven kids.....no car.....no money.....and cockroaches....surrounded by some vacant and some trashed some lived in projects.....This year we are doing holiday helpers...at work and donating gifts to poor families. I am going to bring darren with me to give the toys to the families so he can see the difference between what we have and what they have...There is one....a large one.

WE got a kitten. Hersey. She is a siamese. like coco. who I finally lost to cancer last month. that was fucking terrible. I held her while they put her down. I cried like you wouldnt believe. Like I did when you left. pretty bad. I love you and miss you.

I hope this helps. I am going to watch trash on tv and hit the hay. I might not of gotten to everything but I will hope on here tomm. I have a long day to say the least but I am thinking about taking my computer to the class....I dk I really like it so I might nnot because I need to listen. It is a good one.....its about the ADOS a test for autism. I am getting trained to adminster it. YAWN.

K girlie...

Love you.

Night

Crystal