You really got me when you said that you knew that your gramma would know what to say. I know what you mean. There are so many times that I sit here and say that my mother would have known what to say and what to do to get out of this mess and make my life better. I am telling you I have never been in a bigger jam. I feel like I have moved backwards and settled into loserville. Arg. no Car no savings no money no man that loves me and no mother. Wow boo hoo me. Anyway I have a bit of good news my own drum roll I cewed off all my nails and now I can type like normal again and I am happy for sure!
I ate okay today but the thing is that I have been eating a bit more at night and that is making me a bit bummed. I have not really gained anything from it but it is something that I need to fix. I told my brother that we would go to the gym tonight. I know that you are surprised about that! but yup I had made the plans with him and then forgot so we are going to be trying to go tommorrow and I really hope that I dont forget then.
Any way there is another thing that my tv show or in other words my friend that I get to see each night. On the show there is this little boy that is 11 and he is having a hard time with the fact that his parents are getting divorced and they are getting in fights and all around him. I just wanted you to get a background. any way the kid was being really good one week and then he was being really bad the next week and the dad was telling the therapist about it. The therapist said this....You son was trying to be on his best behavior to see if that would solve all of the problems because he thinks that he is the cause to them and when it did not work he decided to be extra bad to you to try to make you feel just as bad as he did for still not getting any attention. this is me. In a nut shell. Read it again if you need to but you will see me for sure.
Kelly stopped by for a few minutes today. She needed to take her husband lol somewhere and then she needed a place to stop by. I told her that she is gonna do better than me and that I have faith in her. but the truth is I dont have any faith in the convenet of marriage anymore. I think that it is dead. I am for real, maybe a bit bitter and burnt but what the hell. There was a time when people got married after a year or so of dating and you know what they loved and cared for each other come hell or high water and that was that. I dont even know if I will ever get my day. Maybe when My kids are grown up and I am like 40 I will find some guy that wants to get married but you know what I am just so sick of feeling lonely. SO SICK OF IT! What the hell do I have to do to get some attentuon. EVEN ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING.
I think I should be gay too. Darn, I would get even less action then.
lol.
Move to Ct we can be married and not have sex and I would be happier. lol.
Oh Jenn I used the blog for trash tonight but I know that you are work and may be able to read it and that makes me happy to be able to share.
That being said a bit of good news.
I have to apply to grad school and it will be 50 dollars, I should get in to that for sure.
Then I need to apply to the MSW program for the Fall 2010 and I found out that I have all the requirements to get in there and if I take these three courses in the mean time and do well then I t will give me extra credit to get into the program.
It will take between 2 and 4 years and then I will be able to get somewhere....Somewhere far away....from this point where I feel llike a loser. and I am told that I am bringing HIM down.
ME
Okay my love, I will be talking to you tommorrow I hope and of course that face to face asap on Friday.
Thank you teeth for getting these nails off and thank you jenn for being my friend. If you ever need to talk to me about anything that you are going through let me know and all I can tell you is that time does not heal all but it does help.
I am also sorry abbout the eye glasses and I hope that you and your girl are seeing clearer soon.
C
