Hey woman,
Seeing how you have been working so hard on school, here is something else for you to read that you really don't have to interpret and try to wrap your head around.
First something way cute! Caleb woke up from nap the other day, went to the closet mirror door, and dropped his mouth open, furrowed his brow and said "My not handsome anymore!" When Jeff asked him why, he said "Cause my hair is messed up, it makes me not handsome anymore." Way too cute.
Gosh, I had my whole thought process planned out and I can't get it together now.
School is almost done, and although I have no where the work load you do, I am still struggling. It makes me think that there is no way I could ever do a graduate degree while working. I do not have the drive you do. I have to be in bed latest at 10:00 or I am no good the next day, you have great stamina and are staying up until 2am to do your papers. In addition, I really don't think I can write a 55 page paper, I am not that smart.
I really miss you and the kiddos. I keep thinking that I would love to be up there for the holidays. Oh, speaking of which tell me what you and the kids like. I am looking to buy your gifts soon and get them to you, so let me know. Our weather here is still warm, 60's mainly during the day and 30's at night. I wish that I would have cool weather so that I could get in the holiday mood. It is so hard when you feel like you are in the spring. On the upside we have had beautiful color changes this year on the trees. I am really, really wanting a camera. I have a new found interest in photography, well not so new found, just something I really want to do right now, I have always been interested in it.
Work like I said is very busy but going well. The director sat down the other day and actually had a personnel meeting, which cleared the air and set some things straight. So, I am hopiing that things will get better.
Girl, I am rambling not making any sense at all. So, I am going to end it here. I will get back on here when I get a better thought process together.
Oh, final word....I am down 12lbs to 210 in 4 weeks. I am so happy! I am not doing it right, I am just not eating hardly anything, but if I eat, I gain weight.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I sware sometimes I just want to fucking run away and join the cirus. For me it never ends. I am never ever just me. NEVER! It drives me nutty.
Moving along....Sorry. It was just a rant because I feel like I never have adult time and I pretty much have to wait years in order to have it. I have already waited years and have a few more to wait. and to top it off the typing now is waking up gab. I sware ssometimes I cant deal. This is why I just give up and go to bed.
I think that it is fine that Caleb wont go potty. Gab wont either. I am going to take a week off near thanksgiving and try to train her that week. I am not going to even try again before then because like you said if we are not like the ones that are on top of it it will not happen. So I think that when you and caleb are both ready that it will just happen. I am sure that the older children were a little like Caleb, because I know it must of been somewhat of a challenge with Darren but like you I remember it to be so easy. One day he woke up trained and that was that! lol...
I also think that the pretend that you explained is great. And dont be to hard on your self. I know you have a llot of stuff to do and very little time. Just try to play with Caleb a little here and a little there. he has so many people in his life to keep him busy. He isnt just alone all the time! Dont be so hard on yourself!!!! Your a great moma!
With the money stuff i feel for you so much. I almost threw up reading it. I wish I could help you and believe me I would. It sucks that times are that bad and that the hospital did what they did to jeff. I only pray that god will somehow just give you a break and help you out of this whole. BEcause you deserve it! I hope that the layaway didnt get canceled. Maybe you can have them extend it a little???
It isnt very cold here yet girlie! the leaves are changing and all but it is not tooo cold. It is actually pretty nice! I cant wait to get you some pictures! I took some video of leaves today for you but they didnt come out to show the colors too much I was bummed.
Girl do you know I gained 16 pounds back?? I weigh between 168 and 170. Yeah nothing esle needs to be said about that. Throw up.
What esle???
Oh grad school for you....I want to see you get to do what you want....but do you need it? Is what you want to be when you grow up something you need to go back for? I love what I am doing and wont give up but I was thinking you know I could make it on what I earn...I dont NEED to go back but yet I NEED to go back for me! So is this something that you want for you? Or for your job? If it is for you then I support it all the way but if it is for s job then maybe you should think about it more. I kknow you are like me so I bet it is for you....
Glad to hear that Autumn is in sports now and that good things are happening for codey! How is Jaden?
Oh and the sleeping thing? Forget it. I sleep with gab every night. I gave up. I know some day it will change but for now I give up. I guess we both have monsters that way. They are a lot alike even though they live so far away must be a may thing.
I was in Hartford ALLL day today for training. Tomm to. It is good but long days and (to me) a long drive...
My friend Ash had her baby Grace and nicole my niece had her baby Olivia and my cousin lauren is pregnant due in May and kelly is having a girl. I DO NOT WANT A BABY. not even with all that around me. NOPE.
The other day I worked with my premie twins. Born at 25 weeks. Now about 3 months old corrected age zero. And the little girl threw up on her face down her nose and almost choked...and dad picked her up so roughly shoved the thing down her nose and suctioned her. I thought I was gonna die....they live in the projects....seven kids.....no car.....no money.....and cockroaches....surrounded by some vacant and some trashed some lived in projects.....This year we are doing holiday helpers...at work and donating gifts to poor families. I am going to bring darren with me to give the toys to the families so he can see the difference between what we have and what they have...There is one....a large one.
WE got a kitten. Hersey. She is a siamese. like coco. who I finally lost to cancer last month. that was fucking terrible. I held her while they put her down. I cried like you wouldnt believe. Like I did when you left. pretty bad. I love you and miss you.
I hope this helps. I am going to watch trash on tv and hit the hay. I might not of gotten to everything but I will hope on here tomm. I have a long day to say the least but I am thinking about taking my computer to the class....I dk I really like it so I might nnot because I need to listen. It is a good one.....its about the ADOS a test for autism. I am getting trained to adminster it. YAWN.
K girlie...
Love you.
Night
Crystal
Moving along....Sorry. It was just a rant because I feel like I never have adult time and I pretty much have to wait years in order to have it. I have already waited years and have a few more to wait. and to top it off the typing now is waking up gab. I sware ssometimes I cant deal. This is why I just give up and go to bed.
I think that it is fine that Caleb wont go potty. Gab wont either. I am going to take a week off near thanksgiving and try to train her that week. I am not going to even try again before then because like you said if we are not like the ones that are on top of it it will not happen. So I think that when you and caleb are both ready that it will just happen. I am sure that the older children were a little like Caleb, because I know it must of been somewhat of a challenge with Darren but like you I remember it to be so easy. One day he woke up trained and that was that! lol...
I also think that the pretend that you explained is great. And dont be to hard on your self. I know you have a llot of stuff to do and very little time. Just try to play with Caleb a little here and a little there. he has so many people in his life to keep him busy. He isnt just alone all the time! Dont be so hard on yourself!!!! Your a great moma!
With the money stuff i feel for you so much. I almost threw up reading it. I wish I could help you and believe me I would. It sucks that times are that bad and that the hospital did what they did to jeff. I only pray that god will somehow just give you a break and help you out of this whole. BEcause you deserve it! I hope that the layaway didnt get canceled. Maybe you can have them extend it a little???
It isnt very cold here yet girlie! the leaves are changing and all but it is not tooo cold. It is actually pretty nice! I cant wait to get you some pictures! I took some video of leaves today for you but they didnt come out to show the colors too much I was bummed.
Girl do you know I gained 16 pounds back?? I weigh between 168 and 170. Yeah nothing esle needs to be said about that. Throw up.
What esle???
Oh grad school for you....I want to see you get to do what you want....but do you need it? Is what you want to be when you grow up something you need to go back for? I love what I am doing and wont give up but I was thinking you know I could make it on what I earn...I dont NEED to go back but yet I NEED to go back for me! So is this something that you want for you? Or for your job? If it is for you then I support it all the way but if it is for s job then maybe you should think about it more. I kknow you are like me so I bet it is for you....
Glad to hear that Autumn is in sports now and that good things are happening for codey! How is Jaden?
Oh and the sleeping thing? Forget it. I sleep with gab every night. I gave up. I know some day it will change but for now I give up. I guess we both have monsters that way. They are a lot alike even though they live so far away must be a may thing.
I was in Hartford ALLL day today for training. Tomm to. It is good but long days and (to me) a long drive...
My friend Ash had her baby Grace and nicole my niece had her baby Olivia and my cousin lauren is pregnant due in May and kelly is having a girl. I DO NOT WANT A BABY. not even with all that around me. NOPE.
The other day I worked with my premie twins. Born at 25 weeks. Now about 3 months old corrected age zero. And the little girl threw up on her face down her nose and almost choked...and dad picked her up so roughly shoved the thing down her nose and suctioned her. I thought I was gonna die....they live in the projects....seven kids.....no car.....no money.....and cockroaches....surrounded by some vacant and some trashed some lived in projects.....This year we are doing holiday helpers...at work and donating gifts to poor families. I am going to bring darren with me to give the toys to the families so he can see the difference between what we have and what they have...There is one....a large one.
WE got a kitten. Hersey. She is a siamese. like coco. who I finally lost to cancer last month. that was fucking terrible. I held her while they put her down. I cried like you wouldnt believe. Like I did when you left. pretty bad. I love you and miss you.
I hope this helps. I am going to watch trash on tv and hit the hay. I might not of gotten to everything but I will hope on here tomm. I have a long day to say the least but I am thinking about taking my computer to the class....I dk I really like it so I might nnot because I need to listen. It is a good one.....its about the ADOS a test for autism. I am getting trained to adminster it. YAWN.
K girlie...
Love you.
Night
Crystal
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Hey.....
Hey Crissie,
How are you doing? I am sure that you are doing well. I promised that I would get on here and post so you could respond tomorrow, so here I go. I just really don't want to pull you down in the depths of no return, so if you are having any issues of your own that are pressing and causing you trouble, please do not read this. Wait until things are better.
Word of warning, my thoughts are so scattered, so I am not guaranteeing that they are going to make a whole lot of sense.
First, as you know, I am always worried about Caleb. Well, he is doing ok, I guess. He will not potty train, he absolutely refuses to even want to grasp the concept. I haven't been too on board with doing it either which is a problem I know, but I am having problems committing to it. I remember the kids being so easy to do, and he just absolutley refuses. ALL of my other kids were potty trained by this age. You know, he also refuses to sleep in his bed. Again, I try hard, but Jeff doesn't reinforce what I do. Last night the baby fell asleep on the couch and Jeff asked me where I wanted him. Well, in his bed. He is getting too big to sleep with us, and quite frankly I am tired of him being in our bed all the time. I can't turn over or stretch out because I have a 38 inch child next to me. I don't know how I am ever going to break him of sleeping in our bed. Also, he pretends play so much. I have a feeling that it is because I don't get down and play with him like I should. I just can't find the time. He has one heck of what I hope is an imagination. He will say that there are monsters around and he is going to make sure they don't get him, he will tell a complete story with sentences like "and then" he pauses and then continues his story, all fabricated. He says things like probably yesterday in repsonse to where he got a scratch or bruise from. Almost the entire time that he is home with me, I am working on school or cleaning. I am so tired of not having time. I don't have time for me, the kids, Jeff, my mom or anything. I am so wrapped up in trying to keep up with school.
So, moving on from there. Jeff and I are in such a financial bind it isn't even funny. He decided not to pay a hospital bill right after we got here and so they are just now garnishing his wages. They are taking $594 out of every one of his checks (twice a month) and then another one in the beginning of November. We are always in overdraft...ALWAYS and I am not saying like $50, no like $350-$500. We have a hard time keeping up with Calebs pullups, paying our bills, or sometimes getting food in the house. We were in jeopardy of having Jeffs car repossessed. I don't know how we are going to get out of it. We do not splurge on anything, not one single solitary thing. Well, let me correct that, Jeff decided this last paycheck to buy pizza for $30 one night for dinner rather than coming home and finding something. Yet, I don't get anything to drink or eat for work, I take everything with me. This is what gets me so frustrated. He is saying that we are going to get out of this, but I just don't see it. I am so freaking tired of being broke. I have no money to get the kids clothes for school for the cooler weather. It is already to the point where in the morning they should have a light pull over on or something and it is all or was sitting on layaway at KMart. Yet because we didn't have any money to pay it, chances are we have lost all of the clothes I had on layaway for the kids. So, how am I now going to afford to get them clothes?
I don't know if I told you, but my work switched from the County as their payroll processor and holder of insurance. Well, the County has not invoiced my work for the insurance that has been paid by them due to inadequacies of our new payroll personnel, and they are saying that they are going to take the chunk of money out at 1 time. Crys, that is like $800 for me, one of my checks. If they do that this coming week, we are going to have a $1300+ deficit, Jeff's $594 and my entire check. What the hell are we going to do then?
Work of course is another issue that I am having. We are back to 12 hour shifts, and I am opting to stay on graveyards because I lost my babysitter for the boys after school and I don't want to put up with the obnoxious behavior by my boss during the day. That place is loud enough during the day without her coming out of her office wanting to tell stories and laughing and being loud. Besides, I hate the way she is so false with everything. I hate how she lies. So, in any event I just stay on graveyards from 8p-8a my time. I get home at 9am and leave at 630pm in order to get back to work. So, I don't see the kids in the morning because they are in school by the time I get home and I leave right during the time that we would all be sitting down to complete dinner.
Now, can you see why I have no time. I sleep during the day and try to prepare for another 14 hour day, and so I don't have time for my school. I just took my midterm for administrative law and got a 68, because I never cracked the book because I have no time. I applied for what would be a perfect job: hours are 730-430 everyday, every other friday off and saturday and sunday every week. To add to it, it is right here in Carlsbad. The pay would be $12.50, where I am making $14.11 right now, but I would be saving gas. I would still have insurance too. I interviewed for this on September 7th and I still haven't heard anything. I have called her every time she has said she would have a decision, and now I am just not even getting her attention to answer the phone. I am so frustrated. There are no other jobs here, NOTHING. So, I am stuck driving back and forth and working insane amount of hours.
Moving on. I thought I had found the graduate school I wanted to attend, but when I got the follow up e-mail it isn't. I want to get my Masters in Social Work, Texas University-San Marcos has one of the best schools in the nation, and I could've done it all online. The problem however, is that it is more from an administrative role and not an interactive role. I would only go part-time taking me 4 years because it is a 64 credit hour degree. Crys, that is insane, and I don't want to do admin crap, I want to do more hands on. So, I don't know what I am going to do. NMSU, where I am right now, doesn't offer an online SW masters because of the amount of intern hours that have to be done (500 the first year and 450 the second year.) In addition, they state right in their catalog that there is no way for a full-time masters student to carry the 15 hour minimum and the internships and work. So, we would be without an income, and as you can tell, there is no way that we could afford that. So, my dreams of grad school are pretty much gone.
I am so down in the dumps right now that I sat yesterday with facebook open for 9 hours, and never did a thing. I just stared at it. I didn't work on my school, I didn't clean house, I hardly ate. I am to the point where getting out of bed to take a shower and stuff is such a challenge. I feel all alone. Jeff is great, but he isn't what I need all the time, hell I can't tell you what I need all the time. I don't even know what I need right now. I just know that I told Jeff I am tired of being so sad, I have been like this on and off for the better part of 16 years, and I am tired of it. I am tired of having no desire to do things, and when I do, I quickly realize that what I want cannot come to fruition. For instance, Jeff registered for his first intenship for his doctorate in February, he is going for four days to Denver, Colorado, I want to go but I know I can't. What would I do with the kids? How would we afford to do it? Maybe income tax or his refund from school. But then, how are we going to ever pay off our credit so we can have decent shit. I know that if your head hasn't started to spin, it is by now. Crys, this is how I live, day in and day out, every minute of my life. The Lexapro isn't working anymore, well I guess I could be worse, so I guess it is. I have no outlets. I know that at one point in time I had dreams of so many things, and they are gone.
Alright girlie, I just realized I have been grinding my teeth and because of the seperators they are really hurting, which has now caused me to get a massive headache. I know that what I have written here is not everything, but I am spent. Sorry.
Love you and miss you,
Jenn
How are you doing? I am sure that you are doing well. I promised that I would get on here and post so you could respond tomorrow, so here I go. I just really don't want to pull you down in the depths of no return, so if you are having any issues of your own that are pressing and causing you trouble, please do not read this. Wait until things are better.
Word of warning, my thoughts are so scattered, so I am not guaranteeing that they are going to make a whole lot of sense.
First, as you know, I am always worried about Caleb. Well, he is doing ok, I guess. He will not potty train, he absolutely refuses to even want to grasp the concept. I haven't been too on board with doing it either which is a problem I know, but I am having problems committing to it. I remember the kids being so easy to do, and he just absolutley refuses. ALL of my other kids were potty trained by this age. You know, he also refuses to sleep in his bed. Again, I try hard, but Jeff doesn't reinforce what I do. Last night the baby fell asleep on the couch and Jeff asked me where I wanted him. Well, in his bed. He is getting too big to sleep with us, and quite frankly I am tired of him being in our bed all the time. I can't turn over or stretch out because I have a 38 inch child next to me. I don't know how I am ever going to break him of sleeping in our bed. Also, he pretends play so much. I have a feeling that it is because I don't get down and play with him like I should. I just can't find the time. He has one heck of what I hope is an imagination. He will say that there are monsters around and he is going to make sure they don't get him, he will tell a complete story with sentences like "and then" he pauses and then continues his story, all fabricated. He says things like probably yesterday in repsonse to where he got a scratch or bruise from. Almost the entire time that he is home with me, I am working on school or cleaning. I am so tired of not having time. I don't have time for me, the kids, Jeff, my mom or anything. I am so wrapped up in trying to keep up with school.
So, moving on from there. Jeff and I are in such a financial bind it isn't even funny. He decided not to pay a hospital bill right after we got here and so they are just now garnishing his wages. They are taking $594 out of every one of his checks (twice a month) and then another one in the beginning of November. We are always in overdraft...ALWAYS and I am not saying like $50, no like $350-$500. We have a hard time keeping up with Calebs pullups, paying our bills, or sometimes getting food in the house. We were in jeopardy of having Jeffs car repossessed. I don't know how we are going to get out of it. We do not splurge on anything, not one single solitary thing. Well, let me correct that, Jeff decided this last paycheck to buy pizza for $30 one night for dinner rather than coming home and finding something. Yet, I don't get anything to drink or eat for work, I take everything with me. This is what gets me so frustrated. He is saying that we are going to get out of this, but I just don't see it. I am so freaking tired of being broke. I have no money to get the kids clothes for school for the cooler weather. It is already to the point where in the morning they should have a light pull over on or something and it is all or was sitting on layaway at KMart. Yet because we didn't have any money to pay it, chances are we have lost all of the clothes I had on layaway for the kids. So, how am I now going to afford to get them clothes?
I don't know if I told you, but my work switched from the County as their payroll processor and holder of insurance. Well, the County has not invoiced my work for the insurance that has been paid by them due to inadequacies of our new payroll personnel, and they are saying that they are going to take the chunk of money out at 1 time. Crys, that is like $800 for me, one of my checks. If they do that this coming week, we are going to have a $1300+ deficit, Jeff's $594 and my entire check. What the hell are we going to do then?
Work of course is another issue that I am having. We are back to 12 hour shifts, and I am opting to stay on graveyards because I lost my babysitter for the boys after school and I don't want to put up with the obnoxious behavior by my boss during the day. That place is loud enough during the day without her coming out of her office wanting to tell stories and laughing and being loud. Besides, I hate the way she is so false with everything. I hate how she lies. So, in any event I just stay on graveyards from 8p-8a my time. I get home at 9am and leave at 630pm in order to get back to work. So, I don't see the kids in the morning because they are in school by the time I get home and I leave right during the time that we would all be sitting down to complete dinner.
Now, can you see why I have no time. I sleep during the day and try to prepare for another 14 hour day, and so I don't have time for my school. I just took my midterm for administrative law and got a 68, because I never cracked the book because I have no time. I applied for what would be a perfect job: hours are 730-430 everyday, every other friday off and saturday and sunday every week. To add to it, it is right here in Carlsbad. The pay would be $12.50, where I am making $14.11 right now, but I would be saving gas. I would still have insurance too. I interviewed for this on September 7th and I still haven't heard anything. I have called her every time she has said she would have a decision, and now I am just not even getting her attention to answer the phone. I am so frustrated. There are no other jobs here, NOTHING. So, I am stuck driving back and forth and working insane amount of hours.
Moving on. I thought I had found the graduate school I wanted to attend, but when I got the follow up e-mail it isn't. I want to get my Masters in Social Work, Texas University-San Marcos has one of the best schools in the nation, and I could've done it all online. The problem however, is that it is more from an administrative role and not an interactive role. I would only go part-time taking me 4 years because it is a 64 credit hour degree. Crys, that is insane, and I don't want to do admin crap, I want to do more hands on. So, I don't know what I am going to do. NMSU, where I am right now, doesn't offer an online SW masters because of the amount of intern hours that have to be done (500 the first year and 450 the second year.) In addition, they state right in their catalog that there is no way for a full-time masters student to carry the 15 hour minimum and the internships and work. So, we would be without an income, and as you can tell, there is no way that we could afford that. So, my dreams of grad school are pretty much gone.
I am so down in the dumps right now that I sat yesterday with facebook open for 9 hours, and never did a thing. I just stared at it. I didn't work on my school, I didn't clean house, I hardly ate. I am to the point where getting out of bed to take a shower and stuff is such a challenge. I feel all alone. Jeff is great, but he isn't what I need all the time, hell I can't tell you what I need all the time. I don't even know what I need right now. I just know that I told Jeff I am tired of being so sad, I have been like this on and off for the better part of 16 years, and I am tired of it. I am tired of having no desire to do things, and when I do, I quickly realize that what I want cannot come to fruition. For instance, Jeff registered for his first intenship for his doctorate in February, he is going for four days to Denver, Colorado, I want to go but I know I can't. What would I do with the kids? How would we afford to do it? Maybe income tax or his refund from school. But then, how are we going to ever pay off our credit so we can have decent shit. I know that if your head hasn't started to spin, it is by now. Crys, this is how I live, day in and day out, every minute of my life. The Lexapro isn't working anymore, well I guess I could be worse, so I guess it is. I have no outlets. I know that at one point in time I had dreams of so many things, and they are gone.
Alright girlie, I just realized I have been grinding my teeth and because of the seperators they are really hurting, which has now caused me to get a massive headache. I know that what I have written here is not everything, but I am spent. Sorry.
Love you and miss you,
Jenn
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Missing....
Hey chickie,
So, I know that I haven't been on here lately. I just got off of 12 hour shifts and am now working 7-3 Tuesday-Saturday, and I am LOVING it. So, I figured since I SHOULD be having more time to be able to post and stay connected with you. I know that you have been posting tweets, which reminds me to go check my account, but I don't think you are receiving my responses. I feel so disconnected from you.
I really do miss you a lot. I think about you all the time. I don't understand where I went wrong and lost so much contact with you. I feel HORRIBLE that I don't get to talk to you as much. I know that things are going great for John and you, and I know that you're always super busy with the kids and work. If I remember correctly you are also due to start school sometime this month, which is going to take more of your time. It makes me sad that we don't talk as much as we used to. I know that I have been busy with work, school, the kids, the house, you know, all the things you get busy with. I just wish there was some day during the week that we could set aside 2 hours to connect. I feel like it is important for me.
So, how is the Love Dare going? I finally watched the movie Fireproof and talk about a darn good movie. I could see John and you in some aspects. I am going to watch it with Jeff at some point in time and we ARE going to start the Love Dare again. Although things are going really really good right now, we still have our days where things can be tense and we just had an argument about a week ago.
So, update on the Campbell homefront: I took a huge step and applied for Supervisor within my company. I am nervous, I take my written exam on Monday at noon my time and it should take about 3 hours. I have gotten so many mixed reports of things at work. For instance, my boss told me that I should apply because I never know what could happen. Then I have a supervisor telling me that my boss has already made her decision and that the whole application process was just for show and to cover her rear in case of a complaint. Then, the person I am up against doesn't care for me anyways and everytime she is around me she's sure to make reference to when she becomes supervisor (the chosen one).
The couple of things that really make me thing this is all unethical is that the deadline was last month for the complete application packets to be in. Well, the other day the chosen one was talking to a Lieutenant of the Sheriffs department and stated "Thank you for the buttering thing, I now have until oral boards to submit what I need to." Well on top of that, one of the criteria was that you had to be with the authroity full time for one year, she has only been back with the authority full time for like 4 months, well HR pushed her through and allowed her to apply anyways. Seem fishy to you? I know it does to me.
I can tell you that with everything going on, if she gets supervisor, I am quitting. I refuse to work under such a person who lets the title go to her head. She is also not very friendly with people and is brash, and made comment that she told our boss that she was willing to sign up for sensitivity training. Sounds more fishy right?
I have recently noticed that I am beginning to look at things in a different light. I am starting to look at things like this: this life that we have here on earth is too short to worry about stuff, like what I have described. I need to be spending more time with the kids, my husband, and living. I was just thinking that we should take a small vacation. Even if it is just for the weekend. Albuquerque NM is not too far from here, about 4 hours and they have an aquarium, awesome zoo, and some other things. But it would be family time that is being spent together. What we deal with while we live is going to pale in comparison to what we have when we finally meet our maker and His kingdom.
When we live running in the fast lane and never take the time to slow down we miss so much of what we should be enjoying, seeing, hearing, and experiencing. You really do have to take the time to smell the roses.
So, anways, I am excited, I am in my last semester of college and am due to graduate in December. I would send you an invitation, but I know that you can't make it. I may send you one just so you have it, that is if you want it. I am scared because the classes I am taking are going to be difficult, but it is only 16 weeks of my life that I must invest in it for a lifetime of recognition.
I was going to tell you that if you want a good movie to watch that will make you cry from about an hour into it to about 30 minutes after it, you have to watch Hachi. It never hit the theaters but it is available at most red boxes and online through Netflix. One of the girls I work with (Future supervisor hopeful) said she bought it at Wal-Mart. I really think that Bird would like it, although he is a growing boy and he may not want to watch sappy movies. But hey, it is just a suggestion.
Alright girlie, I am going to get off of here. I am going to go to bed and try and have a good night. Know that I really do miss you very very much and love with depths as deep as the ocean.
Talk to you soon,
JENN
So, I know that I haven't been on here lately. I just got off of 12 hour shifts and am now working 7-3 Tuesday-Saturday, and I am LOVING it. So, I figured since I SHOULD be having more time to be able to post and stay connected with you. I know that you have been posting tweets, which reminds me to go check my account, but I don't think you are receiving my responses. I feel so disconnected from you.
I really do miss you a lot. I think about you all the time. I don't understand where I went wrong and lost so much contact with you. I feel HORRIBLE that I don't get to talk to you as much. I know that things are going great for John and you, and I know that you're always super busy with the kids and work. If I remember correctly you are also due to start school sometime this month, which is going to take more of your time. It makes me sad that we don't talk as much as we used to. I know that I have been busy with work, school, the kids, the house, you know, all the things you get busy with. I just wish there was some day during the week that we could set aside 2 hours to connect. I feel like it is important for me.
So, how is the Love Dare going? I finally watched the movie Fireproof and talk about a darn good movie. I could see John and you in some aspects. I am going to watch it with Jeff at some point in time and we ARE going to start the Love Dare again. Although things are going really really good right now, we still have our days where things can be tense and we just had an argument about a week ago.
So, update on the Campbell homefront: I took a huge step and applied for Supervisor within my company. I am nervous, I take my written exam on Monday at noon my time and it should take about 3 hours. I have gotten so many mixed reports of things at work. For instance, my boss told me that I should apply because I never know what could happen. Then I have a supervisor telling me that my boss has already made her decision and that the whole application process was just for show and to cover her rear in case of a complaint. Then, the person I am up against doesn't care for me anyways and everytime she is around me she's sure to make reference to when she becomes supervisor (the chosen one).
The couple of things that really make me thing this is all unethical is that the deadline was last month for the complete application packets to be in. Well, the other day the chosen one was talking to a Lieutenant of the Sheriffs department and stated "Thank you for the buttering thing, I now have until oral boards to submit what I need to." Well on top of that, one of the criteria was that you had to be with the authroity full time for one year, she has only been back with the authority full time for like 4 months, well HR pushed her through and allowed her to apply anyways. Seem fishy to you? I know it does to me.
I can tell you that with everything going on, if she gets supervisor, I am quitting. I refuse to work under such a person who lets the title go to her head. She is also not very friendly with people and is brash, and made comment that she told our boss that she was willing to sign up for sensitivity training. Sounds more fishy right?
I have recently noticed that I am beginning to look at things in a different light. I am starting to look at things like this: this life that we have here on earth is too short to worry about stuff, like what I have described. I need to be spending more time with the kids, my husband, and living. I was just thinking that we should take a small vacation. Even if it is just for the weekend. Albuquerque NM is not too far from here, about 4 hours and they have an aquarium, awesome zoo, and some other things. But it would be family time that is being spent together. What we deal with while we live is going to pale in comparison to what we have when we finally meet our maker and His kingdom.
When we live running in the fast lane and never take the time to slow down we miss so much of what we should be enjoying, seeing, hearing, and experiencing. You really do have to take the time to smell the roses.
So, anways, I am excited, I am in my last semester of college and am due to graduate in December. I would send you an invitation, but I know that you can't make it. I may send you one just so you have it, that is if you want it. I am scared because the classes I am taking are going to be difficult, but it is only 16 weeks of my life that I must invest in it for a lifetime of recognition.
I was going to tell you that if you want a good movie to watch that will make you cry from about an hour into it to about 30 minutes after it, you have to watch Hachi. It never hit the theaters but it is available at most red boxes and online through Netflix. One of the girls I work with (Future supervisor hopeful) said she bought it at Wal-Mart. I really think that Bird would like it, although he is a growing boy and he may not want to watch sappy movies. But hey, it is just a suggestion.
Alright girlie, I am going to get off of here. I am going to go to bed and try and have a good night. Know that I really do miss you very very much and love with depths as deep as the ocean.
Talk to you soon,
JENN
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
geese My friend what happened?
Omg god I came on here looking for the surprise and this is what I saw. I hope you text me back soon.
Friday, June 25, 2010
It's been a while....
Okay, so I figured it's been a while since either of us have been on here, so I figured I would come back and just kinda update you on things.
First, the kids are all doing well. They are having a blast, c'mon they get to swim every single day almost, and they don't have to go to school. Caleb is doing well. He is such a funny character. He is so demanding though. But, on the other hand he is very loveable. Out of the blue he will tell you that he loves you and gives you a hug. You have to see him, he cries if iCarly, Big Time Rush, or Spongebob are not on when HE wants them to be on. Okay correction, he down right throws a fit. He is really good at counting and his colors. Yvette (babysitter) was saying that she bought a pre-school reading program for her daughter, but Caleb is the one that is responding the most to it. I don't know which one it is or what it entails, but I am all for it!
I am doing ok. I screwed up my diet, but oh well. Tomorrow is another stone, another day. I will be ok. School is killing me, I only have 2 weeks left in one class and I will be done and the other one ends sometime in August, just before Fall semester. My job is going well other than the quirks that all jobs have, but I do my best to work through them and just remember that I am there to help someone who needs it and not make everyone else happy.
My instructor for this training I have been in is hilarious. He is wound really tight, he talks a million miles a minute (like I do). He said something yesterday about a "bubbler." Well minus the "r". But I had to sit and think a minute he was talking about the water fountain! He has a million sounds and voices he can do, and at times he acts just like someone out of a mafia movie. But I loved it. I loved all the terminology that was used, the jokes he made, he just made the class fun. In so many ways did he remind me of the happiness I felt when I was up there with you in your environment. I remember how much it felt like home. And although I may not be able to make it up there as fast as I had hoped, it reminded me of my ultimate goal. I just hope it happens before I am too old to actually enjoy it.
You know lately I have been realizing how short life really is. I mean we spend our days and nights thinking, worrying, and running and we forget to stop and smell the roses. To stop and take time to do, try, or experience the things we truly enjoy. And for someone like me who doesn't even know to what nth degree that is, life seems even shorter. I feel at times like it is water, slipping between my fingers and there is nothing that I can do to stop it.
I just took a xanax so in a few minutes I am going to be hitting the hay. I have figured out that the only way I can get up at 5 in the morning is if I go to bed right around 9 and sleep ALL night. If I don't then I have a way less chance of getting up and actually walking.
Speaking of which I hope that your exercise and diet regimen are going well. I know that you work so hard and I really want you to see results. I mean if the weight is not coming off, that is not necessarily a bad thing, it just means that you are putting on muscle, which weighs more than fat. So, you could be losing the bad stuff (fat) and putting on the good stuff (muscle).
Okay girlie, I just got writers block, but I promise I will get on here more since I am not working as much as I was. I literally only work about 14 days a month.
I love you and miss you very much.
Jenn
First, the kids are all doing well. They are having a blast, c'mon they get to swim every single day almost, and they don't have to go to school. Caleb is doing well. He is such a funny character. He is so demanding though. But, on the other hand he is very loveable. Out of the blue he will tell you that he loves you and gives you a hug. You have to see him, he cries if iCarly, Big Time Rush, or Spongebob are not on when HE wants them to be on. Okay correction, he down right throws a fit. He is really good at counting and his colors. Yvette (babysitter) was saying that she bought a pre-school reading program for her daughter, but Caleb is the one that is responding the most to it. I don't know which one it is or what it entails, but I am all for it!
I am doing ok. I screwed up my diet, but oh well. Tomorrow is another stone, another day. I will be ok. School is killing me, I only have 2 weeks left in one class and I will be done and the other one ends sometime in August, just before Fall semester. My job is going well other than the quirks that all jobs have, but I do my best to work through them and just remember that I am there to help someone who needs it and not make everyone else happy.
My instructor for this training I have been in is hilarious. He is wound really tight, he talks a million miles a minute (like I do). He said something yesterday about a "bubbler." Well minus the "r". But I had to sit and think a minute he was talking about the water fountain! He has a million sounds and voices he can do, and at times he acts just like someone out of a mafia movie. But I loved it. I loved all the terminology that was used, the jokes he made, he just made the class fun. In so many ways did he remind me of the happiness I felt when I was up there with you in your environment. I remember how much it felt like home. And although I may not be able to make it up there as fast as I had hoped, it reminded me of my ultimate goal. I just hope it happens before I am too old to actually enjoy it.
You know lately I have been realizing how short life really is. I mean we spend our days and nights thinking, worrying, and running and we forget to stop and smell the roses. To stop and take time to do, try, or experience the things we truly enjoy. And for someone like me who doesn't even know to what nth degree that is, life seems even shorter. I feel at times like it is water, slipping between my fingers and there is nothing that I can do to stop it.
I just took a xanax so in a few minutes I am going to be hitting the hay. I have figured out that the only way I can get up at 5 in the morning is if I go to bed right around 9 and sleep ALL night. If I don't then I have a way less chance of getting up and actually walking.
Speaking of which I hope that your exercise and diet regimen are going well. I know that you work so hard and I really want you to see results. I mean if the weight is not coming off, that is not necessarily a bad thing, it just means that you are putting on muscle, which weighs more than fat. So, you could be losing the bad stuff (fat) and putting on the good stuff (muscle).
Okay girlie, I just got writers block, but I promise I will get on here more since I am not working as much as I was. I literally only work about 14 days a month.
I love you and miss you very much.
Jenn
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